Year End Review

Well, this is it. I don't think I'm particularly pleased with how it all ends. 2008 should have been more magnificent. It wasn't. I should have done more. I didn't. There should have been more stuff to feel and relish. Not much really came (nothing beautiful anyway).

There were a lot of tears shed. A load of shit to get through and settle. I saw death, experienced pain, bled, moved slowly, saw little progress, and felt nothing new in the end.

I'm still blind. I speak carefully. It hurts to smile. I'm confused. Still poor. Angry. Betrayed.

Whose to blame for all this? I don't know. I want to sit and curse God out but what good would that do? I think He only listens when He wants to anyway.

Oh My God: Ida Maria

Ida Maria is a 24 year old Norwegian rock goddess. She hasn't made it big just yet but I certainly think she'll catch on soon enough. Visit her site to learn more.

Check out the expression on her face at 1:33. It says so much. Life is painful, it's tough, we all seek cures. See how it seems to hurt her to breathe? Then of course, she lets loose. My God. She rules. This is exactly how I feel today.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Currently on an endless loop."

After Tonight - Justin Nozuka
I Like You So Much When You're Naked - Ida Maria
The Thing About Love - Alicia Keys
Colgando En Tus Manos - Carlos Baute & Marta Sánchez
Smack Into You - Jon McLaughlin
Love On the Rocks - Sarah Bareilles
Queen of the World - Ida Maria
Closer - Goapele
A Favor House Atlantic - Coheed and Cambria
Summertime - The Sundays
Take Me - Teedra Moses (w/ Raphael Saadiq)
Words - Anthony David (w/ India.Arie)
Beautiful/Yes We Can - Mateo

To the Straight Boy I Love(d) II, or A Walk in June

The rain tonight is dreadful
and it soaks my t-shirt madly
my nipples roar, hardened
by the wetness and coolness of the falling water
I stroll along some avenue, pissed by luscious grapes
thinking clouds form my foundation and wings provide steadiness
Summer shyly lingers
not quite prepared but present still behind the rain
the warm faint wind brushes my hair
and tickles my nose
laughing bugs, the occasional screeching of tires, and street lights provide reality
I sing, drenched by God
soaked inside by wine
disrupted by the corrupted ways of love
while you travel the depths of some female beauty
deaf to my song
deaf to my sounds
my rhythms make the earth tremble
but yet you feel only the vibrations of her throbbing lips

my lips, meanwhile, cry unbeknownst to you

HIV is Still Alive

Here's Josh, a 26 year old gay New Yorker who's probably too horny and lonely for his own good, like so many of us.

Watch the movie and increase your knowledge by clicking here.

(Click Here for Part 2.)

To the Straight Boy I Love(d) I

You're the straight thing I can't commit to
not because I won't
or shouldn't
but because you're too scared

That face, I swear
I'd love to hump it
embrace it between my thighs somehow
and let your lips just press up on me
would you ever honor my request for playing?
We won't tell her a thing
even if I see her two hours later
and call her my favorite chum
I'll offer her gum
and we'll chew like nothing's wrong
She'll mention you
and I'll ask, "Who?"
She'll remind me again
and I'll pretend
I'll pretend.

My Music Awards

So, music’s big day is finally coming:
Grammy nominations will be announced Wednesday.
Although it’s been quite a dismal year in music, I am anxious!
Let’s see who'll rule, who'll be shunned, and who'll be (unfairly) over-praised...
To celebrate, here's what I think ought to be recognized.
These are my winners...

Record of the Year:
"Chasing Pavements" - Adele.
The song is haunting. If it doesn’t move you to pieces, you are a walking corpse.

Album of the Year:
"As I Am" – Alicia Keys.
The set sold more than 700,000 copies its first week out. It’s her best album, period. From the very start until the end, it is quite a profound piece of work. No other album released during the eligibility year should walk away with this award. It is serious stuff. I swear it.
Honorable Mentions: Raising Sand, by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.

Song of the Year (songwriters award):
"Bleeding Love" – Ryan Tedder & Jesse McCartney.
A show-stopping, colossal of a song. This type doesn’t happen all the time. Brilliant words. I can’t think of a more deserving song this year.

Best New Artist:
Adele.
This is a long shot but I don’t care. She is real. She is young. She writes her own stuff. She plays the guitar. She’s a white Etta James. She’s drug-free and bikini-free. It’s about the music, not the panties. Shall I go on? No new artist had a better album in ’08. Will she be nominated? She better be!

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance:
"So What" – P!nk.
It’s her biggest selling single, with good reason. She’s tough but she manages to break your heart just the same. The bridge tugs the soul.

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance:
"Superwoman" – Alicia Keys.
An ode to the powers that be: the Women.

Best R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal:
"Just One Kiss" – Raphael Saadiq & Joss Stone.
Two of the most underrated stars of R&B music.

Best R&B Album:
"As I Am" – Alicia Keys.
Need more reasons? Gut wrenching, daring, different, just plain amazing.

Best Contemporary R&B Album:
"The Way I See It" – Raphael Saadiq.
Pure and bold. He took a time machine to the 60s and came back with this. A smart and indelible work of art.

Best Urban/Alternative Performance:
“Sandcastle Disco” – Solange.
I don’t like her as a person but she can sing. The track is amazing and so much fun. In fact, the whole album is great. If it weren’t for Amy this wouldn't be.

Best Dance Recording:
“Just Dance” – Lady Gaga.
The song is a knockout. Christina Aguilera should be so lucky.

Best Electronic/Dance Album:
“Robyn” – Robyn.
The comeback album of the year. Ferocious fun filled with beats that stand out.