Forgiveness

No one has died but inside it feels like someone has.

I have been feeling bothered by the acts of some people in my life and instead of trying to figure out a way to handle it, moving on, or getting to a resolution, I've been letting it attack me every night and every single day. I've been wronged by people I love to the bone. They've been in my life for a very long time but lately they've felt like strangers to me more than anything. It's like having missing teeth. The smiles are still very much there but nothing is as pretty as it used to be.

I think that the situations and altercations that have gone on have been sparked by silly misunderstandings and the lack of communication. You see, when you misunderstand someone and there's no communication, things fall apart. The awkwardness begins, the distance starts, and it's all downhill after that.

I've always been the one to find a resolution. I find it in my heart to forgive and then to forget. I send out my apologies, even when I feel I haven't really done anything wrong. I flush down my pride, put my head down, forget the lashes inflicted upon me, and start over. But this time I just can't seem to do that. Maybe it's because I'm older. Perhaps I'm more rigid and stubborn? Or maybe I just feel like I'm finally owed some type of respect. It's finally time to collect on some apologies too, you know? I'm hurt. I feel real bad. And maybe it's all inside my head, but still, it's how I feel.

We'll see how things go. I'll try my hardest not to lose sleep over this anymore because God is watching, right? He'll take care of things.