Therapy

I haven’t sat down and spoken to anyone about my feelings in a very long time. I think I’ll have to find someone soon, though. I may have to find a therapist to help me deal with the trillion thoughts currently occupying my head. I don’t know how I’ll pay for a therapist but I suppose I’ll worry about the financials later on. Help first. Money later.

I know that some people have friends they can turn to. There are many who are lucky enough to find help within their own family too. I’ve got great friends and a very large family myself but the truth is, I’m not sure going to anyone I love would help me.

Most of the people I love have issues themselves. I feel like I shouldn't burden someone with my problems if they've got much bigger ones, you know? Also, many just don’t listen enough. I've tried to seek advice or an open ear before to no avail. Many times, with many people I know, it's like talking to a brick wall. Next, and this is quite unfortunate really, a lot of them are just too judgmental to offer sound advice. Along with that, I’d run the risk of having my information exposed if I sought help from some of them. People talk and gossip is a ritual a lot of people I know can’t survive without. I say this because I know firsthand what it's like to have a secret spill from one mouth to the next right in front of my face.

So, I’m left to myself, lost in my thoughts, and that’s not good anymore. Lately, I’ve realized things are getting a little out of hand up here in my head. I’m no longer focused. I find myself rushing through the days, waiting for sleep to take me away. Something is wrong if the highlight of my day is closing my eyes. When I wake up in the morning, ready to start life all over again, the first thing out of my mouth is: “oh boy, not again.” Clearly, this isn’t good. Right?

I need help. Therapy, perhaps. Very soon.