Grandma

I can't shake these shakes
my legs are all over the place
I'm so nervous all day
everywhere I rest, there are little earthquakes
I'm asleep inside but I'm awake
I can't breathe OK

I miss you.

RIP

And, just like that,
I have another angel watching over me.

Stay Alive

I sit here tonight
watching my grandmother
as she sleeps, snores, struggles to breathe
inside her heart is dying
and every other organ is slowly following because of it
I stare at her
so strong, so sweet, so beautiful
tears run down my face
I pray, I wish, I hope, I plead
for miracles and good health
I don't know anyone who deserves it more than she

Perfume

I miss you
so, to make like you are here
I thought it'd be sweet
if I doused myself in your favorite scent
I stole it
last time you asked me over
But now I smell like a broken heart
because you're not here
holding me beneath these thick blankets
This whiff is irritating
and I can't help but wish I had a match now
to light myself on fire
your perfume, my gasoline
What was I thinking?

Alexander II

Let's go to Stonewall again,
play pool,
and skirt around all that sexual tension that keeps us from effectively communicating—
because maybe,
just maybe
there can be peace between us finally

Stand there,
smirk and pout like you do with that beautiful mouth
while I dance around the great green felt
contemplating my next move
watch me forget my balls and
help you sink all your stripes
just to prove my point

I want to take care of you

Can You Guess Who?

Of all my exes,
there's 1 I'd take back,
1 I'd still fuck,
and 1 I'd like to shoot right in the middle of the face

Ex-Boyfriend, or P.I.G.

In the new year, I won't let him treat me like shit
I won't allow him to use my struggles against me
The past is done
I don't live there anymore
and he can't punish me
when I tried everything
He can continue to immortalize my former complications all he wants
But I'm not going to care anymore

So, I leave this past year behind:
all the tears, the yearning, the exhausting torture dealing with his ways
and I'll see it off to a faraway place where memories go to die
making sure to leave room for him to tag along

See ya.

Reefer Madness

We listened to freestyle music from, like, the 80s.  He sparked a roach, looked into my eyes, and whispered behind a dull cloud: I'm going to blow smoke up your butt tonight.

And I gagged—
like a giddy trans girl,
I gagged.

Get Out

If I replace "London" with "New York"
and think of sunlight and midnight breeze
will I end up in Puerto Rico and feel better?

I want to be there,
not here.

Brick

I thought you'd be here for me
I keep turning to see if maybe your shadow will appear
but I don't see anything
Can't you hear me screaming?
You're a deaf man to everything

Oh, to be like you—
the way you forget the good times
and remember just the days when things didn't go your way
If only I could be so cold!
Maybe then this shock wouldn't exist—
this shock that runs through me
all electric and burning...
You said you'd always be here
but you're so far gone

Hate me for all the wrong reasons,
that's ok
I just hope this wondrous wall you've built to guard your every emotion keeps your cold heart warm at night

Embarrassing

Sometimes at night,
when it's cold out and so dark it looks like I'm underwater,
I get this stupid urge to do something reckless,
like email you a love song
or text you senseless things

Liar

You said you'd never give up on me
when I said I wasn't ready
but where are you,
now that I am?
You couldn't even wait!
So, there you go
feeding your love to someone else
and here I am
realizing
you are just like the rest...
with all those promises,
the endless declarations—
"You're the one for me!"
you'd scream
but all along it wasn't really about me
it was all about you
and your needs,
your drastic urge to have someone belong to you
and care for you
someone—anyone!—
to fill your void
and when I couldn't rush to such commitments,
you moved so very quickly to the next.

Meet and Greet

He shook my hand with a gentle force—
like he'd be in charge if we were together—
and his sweaty palm moved me
His brown, moist skin tickled those special pressure points
and, oh, how beautiful his hand looked as I held it in mine!
I guess I should have wiped myself clean after
No one likes a sweaty palm, right?
But I couldn't
I didn't want to lose such a personal thing
Something that came from within him
So, instead, I made a fist,
held that mist inside
and prayed—
his sweat my holy water—
for more opportunities to be touched by him
and his brave wet hand.

On Dating

I am too in tune with my feelings and it's always a shock—a disappointment, even—whenever I meet someone who isn't. Why can't we all ever be on the same page?

Opposites Don't Really Attract

I guess you found me intolerable
which isn't too surprising considering how much time I spend despising myself, too
I'm a lot to handle:
my heart on my sleeve,
emotions running free...
But in the grand scheme of things, doesn't this make it easier to be with me?
You know what you get when you get me
There are no secrets
No mixed signals
and if you ever need to know, chances are I've already told you

You don't seem capable to do it like I do
I let it all hang out—
never afraid to do so
but not you.