Listen

The man of my dreams
will have headphones on the day we meet the first time
I'll watch him from across a room or train or someplace on the street in New York City
my eyes will follow his head-tossing to the music,
his smiling to the lyrics
and when he finally sees me,
he'll nod
and before I conjure up the courage to nod back
he'll make his way towards me and ask if I want to listen too
because music is the best way to connect

Another, Again

One more year
Older but none the wiser
With age comes wisdom
But truth be told, my feelings haven't aged a day
I still feel like a teen-age boy
I'm a man by all means
I guess my insides haven't caught on to that

But that's OK
this is me, and I am here

I'm Edwin

Selfish Boy

In youth is pleasure
but then we fade away
I keep thinking about the years that have flown by
the times I should have enjoyed every bit of little responsibility
How I prayed for something more or something better
when things were just right
I'm so grown now
my hair proves it
the wrinkles will come soon, too
and I won't be able to mask those like I do everything else

La La Land

I hated La La Land at first sight—but, as generally happens in such cases, I grew to love it as I lay in bed that night thinking more and more about it.  What is it about it that makes it hard to forget it after watching it?  I can't pinpoint to one absolute answer.  I know it made me feel a heap of things and I was restless the whole night.  It made me believe in all the things I used to believe about dreams.  In fact, it made me believe in them again altogether.  Dreams are real and it takes a lot of fucking perseverance to achieve a lot of what we want in life.  Sometimes it even takes a little help from someone we love, too.

A push or a nudge to let go and make things happen is what most of us need.  This is what I need, I know that now for sure.  This is a valuable lesson—and, even though it sounds so cliched and juvenile, most of us forget it.  I forgot it!

There's so much more I can get into about this movie—the themes, the music, the beautiful story, the superb director and actors who obviously worked their asses off to get this done—but, I won't because it should be a crime to have to explain it to anyone when everyone should go out and watch it themselves.  You owe yourself this movie!

Imagine: there are still some who haven't given it a thought or chance.  How sad for them.

I Might Give Up

Every day I'm on the edge of my seat
Life is impossible
God's not dead but he's deaf it seems
I have to pray for refusing to pray anymore
I'm too mad to believe
I'm in awe of those who achieve everything
I can't achieve anything

Let's Drift Away

Don't be afraid of me
I'm not going to kill you again
I swear it

Let me love you
give me a chance to show you
I'm the one

I want to iron your pjs before you get home from work
After your night shift,
go bathe in my shower
use my bath oils and shampoos
what's mine is yours
and when you're done, take a look at the dinner table and see all I've set for you:
a warm plate of your favorite
a sweet drink to wash it down and
dessert that I will feed you myself

Then let's go to bed
hold me as we drift to some other land,
your snoring: bearish, to the point, and safe
Mine: like the national anthem to a faraway world where lovers finally rest
a sweet mix
because we belong

Let's do it again,
Like we did that summer

I miss you

Light at the End

Keep going and
look on—
before you know,
everything will settle down
change happens, albeit rather slowly
but at least it does
and then you'll breathe again

Music Saves

I forgive you—
because the music told me to,
and I don't ever want to dance it all alone
So, go ahead,
hurt me again and again
I'll be fine
if my speakers work

Lovers Quarrel

I do love you
I love you more than you'll ever understand
and I love you more than any other man
on this Earth loves you

You're loved beyond words!

You're so loved,
I've forgiven you for all the pain
past and present
You see, one of the greatest ways to express love is to show forgiveness
and I have shown you forgiveness in abundance
so much forgiveness you can wear it
but instead,
you keep it in your wallet and forget

Still, you're so loved!

The mere fact that I let you hold me
when we're alone at night in my very own bed
after all the suffering
is proof of this

Wrong Me

Psychotic

Disgusting

Emotional wreck

You tell me this in good faith

You pack the punches

I'm not allowed to feel anything at all

If I fall, I've got to get up right away

or you'll yell and call me a childish weakling with broken feet
If I stutter, just pull my tongue and tie it in a knot
because you'd rather I not say anything at all anyway

I'm not as strong as you 

and you remind me like it's my fault

how dare I be brought up this way

I should have chosen better feelings every day 

Can't you be nicer with your love?

So Long

I think Eva Cassidy lives in Rachel Price's voice box

Con, Descending

You say, all fake: "I go in peace.
You deserve more than me."
and you think this grownup amends will alleviate any shudder I feel from your cold unfaithful goodbye kiss
I've never killed anyone with my love!
but you killed it—
you managed to mangle my little heart like it's bad for your health
you'll go down for this
and it's not enough to say you're the meanest man in the world
even if you think it's enough to hold a candle to the million little pieces you create

I hope the flame burns your face

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Forget the stethoscope 'cause my heartbeats sound like this."

Rearview - Andra Day
Love on the Brain - Rihanna
PillowTalk - Zayn Malik
Hold Back the River - James Bay
Roses - The Chainsmokers (w/ Rozes)
Been to the Moon - Corinne Bailey Rae
PrimeTime - Janelle Monae (w/ Miguel)
Work from Home - Fifth Harmony (w/ Ty Dolla $ign)
Make Me Like You - Gwen Stefani
Mistakes - Lake Street Dive
Wild Things - Alessia Cara
Earth to Heaven - Esperanza Spalding
When We Were Young - Adele
Girl Crush - Little Big Town
Te Amo Idiota - Raquel Sofia

Anxious

I feel so g-ddamn empty
so less myself than ever before
'cause there are things missing
and I can't understand how to get any of it back
the instructions make no sense, never mind
there's no way
I think, anyway
even though everyone says there is
-- just breathe.

but that's a lie
'cause that's all I do when I feel this out of touch
with everything outside
gasping for air
running inside like the second hand chasing time
I ain't brave enough
to have faith enough to keep on going

the pills don't make me feel better
and I'm not a patient patient
even though you see me try
this is why--
the only good thing about a bottle of medicine is it sounds like maracas when I shake it

My Boyfriend the Ex-Boyfriend, or Déjà Vu

You're back in my life
and I've been going about just as I did
all that time ago
scraping off the eggshells at my draggy feet
watching my heart dangle at my sleeve—
it bounces against my thigh
and you laugh

Is any of this real
I ask myself all the time now
I'm not so sure
am I dreaming and this is all in my head
because I keep reciting the things I said before

Namely, please, my love, just love me enough that I feel it all over me

You didn't get it then and you promise every day
that you get it now
but all the pieces fit the same and I'm still lost
and wondering

People don't change at all even though you say you have
and will
and promise to
How can I believe any word of that if I still love you

You see, I myself have not changed