I do love you
I love you more than you'll ever understand
and
I love you more than any other man
on this Earth loves you
You're loved beyond words!
You're so loved,
I've forgiven you for all the pain
past and present
You see, one of the greatest ways to express love
is to show forgiveness
and I have shown you forgiveness in abundance
so much forgiveness you can wear it
but instead,
you keep it in your wallet and forget
Still, you're so loved!
The mere fact that I let you hold me
when we're alone
at night in my very own bed
after all the suffering
is proof of this
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Wrong Me
Psychotic
I'm not as strong as you
Disgusting
Emotional wreck
You tell me this in good faith
You pack the punches
I'm not allowed to feel anything at all
If I fall, I've got to get up right away
or you'll yell and call me a childish weakling with broken feet
If I stutter, just pull my tongue and tie it in a knot
because you'd rather I not say anything at all anyway
If I stutter, just pull my tongue and tie it in a knot
because you'd rather I not say anything at all anyway
I'm not as strong as you
and you remind me like it's my fault
how dare I be brought up this way
I should have chosen better feelings every day
Can't you be nicer with your love?
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Con, Descending
You say, all fake: "I go in peace.
You deserve more than me."
and you think this grownup amends will alleviate any shudder I feel from your cold unfaithful goodbye kiss
I've never killed anyone with my love!
but you killed it—
you managed to mangle my little heart like it's bad for your health
you'll go down for this
and it's not enough to say you're the meanest man in the world
even if you think it's enough to hold a candle to the million little pieces you create
I hope the flame burns your face
You deserve more than me."
and you think this grownup amends will alleviate any shudder I feel from your cold unfaithful goodbye kiss
I've never killed anyone with my love!
but you killed it—
you managed to mangle my little heart like it's bad for your health
you'll go down for this
and it's not enough to say you're the meanest man in the world
even if you think it's enough to hold a candle to the million little pieces you create
I hope the flame burns your face
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
My Radio: What I'm Listening To
"Forget the stethoscope 'cause my heartbeats sound like this."
Rearview - Andra Day
Love on the Brain - Rihanna
PillowTalk - Zayn Malik
Hold Back the River - James Bay
Roses - The Chainsmokers (w/ Rozes)
Been to the Moon - Corinne Bailey Rae
PrimeTime - Janelle Monae (w/ Miguel)
Work from Home - Fifth Harmony (w/ Ty Dolla $ign)
Make Me Like You - Gwen Stefani
Mistakes - Lake Street Dive
Wild Things - Alessia Cara
Earth to Heaven - Esperanza Spalding
When We Were Young - Adele
Girl Crush - Little Big Town
Te Amo Idiota - Raquel Sofia
Friday, January 29, 2016
Anxious
I feel so g-ddamn empty
so less myself than ever before
'cause there are things missing
and I can't understand how to get any of it back
the instructions make no sense, never mind
there's no way
I think, anyway
even though everyone says there is
-- just breathe.
but that's a lie
'cause that's all I do when I feel this out of touch
with everything outside
gasping for air
running inside like the second hand chasing time
I ain't brave enough
to have faith enough to keep on going
the pills don't make me feel better
and I'm not a patient patient
even though you see me try
this is why--
the only good thing about a bottle of medicine is it sounds like maracas when I shake it
so less myself than ever before
'cause there are things missing
and I can't understand how to get any of it back
the instructions make no sense, never mind
there's no way
I think, anyway
even though everyone says there is
-- just breathe.
but that's a lie
'cause that's all I do when I feel this out of touch
with everything outside
gasping for air
running inside like the second hand chasing time
I ain't brave enough
to have faith enough to keep on going
the pills don't make me feel better
and I'm not a patient patient
even though you see me try
this is why--
the only good thing about a bottle of medicine is it sounds like maracas when I shake it
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
My Boyfriend the Ex-Boyfriend, or Déjà Vu
You're back in my life
and I've been going about just as I did
all that time ago
scraping off the eggshells at my draggy feet
watching my heart dangle at my sleeve—
it bounces against my thigh
and you laugh
Is any of this real
I ask myself all the time now
I'm not so sure
am I dreaming and this is all in my head
because I keep reciting the things I said before
Namely, please, my love, just love me enough that I feel it all over me
You didn't get it then and you promise every day
that you get it now
but all the pieces fit the same and I'm still lost
and wondering
People don't change at all even though you say you have
and will
and promise to
How can I believe any word of that if I still love you
You see, I myself have not changed
and I've been going about just as I did
all that time ago
scraping off the eggshells at my draggy feet
watching my heart dangle at my sleeve—
it bounces against my thigh
and you laugh
Is any of this real
I ask myself all the time now
I'm not so sure
am I dreaming and this is all in my head
because I keep reciting the things I said before
Namely, please, my love, just love me enough that I feel it all over me
You didn't get it then and you promise every day
that you get it now
but all the pieces fit the same and I'm still lost
and wondering
People don't change at all even though you say you have
and will
and promise to
How can I believe any word of that if I still love you
You see, I myself have not changed
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Wally
I think a lot about our first night together
at the theatre
and then at the station waiting for that damn C train to come and take us home
I never told you:
But I knew I loved you the minute you held me tight against my will
"what if somebody sees us!?" I said
and you said, "so?"
with a real smile
because, back then, you were too young to know any better
and, well, who cares who sees two people falling in love?
I hope you have fond memories of me
you're a grownup now,
by number anyway-the truth is, you were more of a grownup than me
always much older in spirit and maturity
I was never quite able to catch up to you
but, whatever...
I hope you're okay, is what I'm getting at
and even though I'd give anything to wring your neck
for everything past, present, and future
I'd quickly hug you tight right after
because you taught me so much more than I ever dared to admit
and I'll remember
Remember, too
OK?
at the theatre
and then at the station waiting for that damn C train to come and take us home
I never told you:
But I knew I loved you the minute you held me tight against my will
"what if somebody sees us!?" I said
and you said, "so?"
with a real smile
because, back then, you were too young to know any better
and, well, who cares who sees two people falling in love?
I hope you have fond memories of me
you're a grownup now,
by number anyway-the truth is, you were more of a grownup than me
always much older in spirit and maturity
I was never quite able to catch up to you
but, whatever...
I hope you're okay, is what I'm getting at
and even though I'd give anything to wring your neck
for everything past, present, and future
I'd quickly hug you tight right after
because you taught me so much more than I ever dared to admit
and I'll remember
Remember, too
OK?
Monday, January 4, 2016
Goals
I made a mistake and sat down on those steps
I should've been climbing on
because things got hard
and I thought I didn't stand a chance
against the others shuffling along
moving on up without me
but, I swear it,
my rest was temporary
and I'm awake, you see
I'll keep going now
and reach those landings soon enough
I should've been climbing on
because things got hard
and I thought I didn't stand a chance
against the others shuffling along
moving on up without me
but, I swear it,
my rest was temporary
and I'm awake, you see
I'll keep going now
and reach those landings soon enough
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Is This Love?
You move me in so many ways
and I'm forever grateful
I would have suffered if I hadn't given in, I know this now
that look you gave me when you told me you would take care of things
saved me
It's a rollercoaster ride loving me so
and I often wonder if you feel the same about it
all the battles
and the mindless breakdowns I find myself lost in
anyone with half a brain would lose interest
but you haven't left me yet,
so that's something
and I'm forever grateful
I would have suffered if I hadn't given in, I know this now
that look you gave me when you told me you would take care of things
saved me
It's a rollercoaster ride loving me so
and I often wonder if you feel the same about it
all the battles
and the mindless breakdowns I find myself lost in
anyone with half a brain would lose interest
but you haven't left me yet,
so that's something
Saturday, January 2, 2016
To Troubled Boys
We do the things we do because we're sad
and though it doesn't seem as so,
we're not all bad
You see,
some time ago before we ended up this way
we were tormented
by the corrupted ways of this land
mistreated,
misdirected,
misinformed
What else would you have expected us to become?
We had no chance
Friday, January 1, 2016
New
2015 was everything I don't ever want to experience again
Every day was torture
and it felt like there was no end
no sunshine in sight
I died inside with all my might
but, for some reason,
I feel better and alive tonight
There's hope.
Every day was torture
and it felt like there was no end
no sunshine in sight
I died inside with all my might
but, for some reason,
I feel better and alive tonight
There's hope.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
My Radio: What I'm Listening To
"Inside me there's music all the time."
Joe - Alabama Shakes
She Used to Be Mine - Sara Bareilles
Coffee - Miguel
White Iverson - Post Malone
Gold - Kiiara
Try Me - DeJ Loaf
Morning Sun - Robin Thicke
Ease - Troye Sivan (w/ Broods)
Til it Happens to You - Lady Gaga
2Shy - Shura
Sorry - Justin Bieber
Bite the Bullet - Melanie Fiona
Here - Alessia Cara
Bit Too Shy - Sevana
Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright
Ahora Que Te Vas - India
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Ricardo
Let's let the music play
while you
tongue-fuck me after a drunken binge
devour my pink middle
cry because it tastes so fucking delicious
and you can't believe it
oh, yes it do
it do
it do—
and you don't have to wear your sunglasses at night anymore
see me?
see everything
don't be shy and awkward
the best part of me is already yours
let me take your hand and show you
you powerful leader, I'll lead you
while you
tongue-fuck me after a drunken binge
devour my pink middle
cry because it tastes so fucking delicious
and you can't believe it
oh, yes it do
it do
it do—
and you don't have to wear your sunglasses at night anymore
see me?
see everything
don't be shy and awkward
the best part of me is already yours
let me take your hand and show you
you powerful leader, I'll lead you
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Grow Up
You exist with your borrowed high energy
sloppy face
requesting booty
and a temporary place
your life is lost
so you go on with the help of strangers
and a clueless lover who sticks around because he knows no better
he's no better
side bars, side dicks
here, there, everywhere
you're like a little kid hopscotching and swinging all over the park
doesn't the playground get crowded and boring?
i won't play with you
i'm already gone with daddy
sloppy face
requesting booty
and a temporary place
your life is lost
so you go on with the help of strangers
and a clueless lover who sticks around because he knows no better
he's no better
side bars, side dicks
here, there, everywhere
you're like a little kid hopscotching and swinging all over the park
doesn't the playground get crowded and boring?
i won't play with you
i'm already gone with daddy
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