to vent...

Let's face it:

I've got more rage in me than I've ever had
and even if I pray for peace
not a thing can set me free
from the fire inside
and the pain that burns

But I'll let it go
digress a bit
from the sorrow around
because
hello!
I've got a life to live too,
right?

And as you walk and smile
remember me
and as I walk and smile
I'll curse thee

Bash

A few months ago I read a very disturbing article about a young Brazilian man who was bashed for being gay. As he was exiting a gay nightclub, three twenty-something men began yelling "we don't want faggots in our neighborhood" and started to chase him. He ran like mad but didn't manage to escape the three culprits.

As I read the article, I got chills. I quickly remembered walking down my neighborhood once and someone telling me that exact same thing. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I was walking to the train station to meet some friends when a group of men passed right by me and uttered those words. "Watch yourself," they added. It was dark out and I was alone so a million things and one ran through my head. I thought to run but I retained my composure and prayed inside.

Thankfully, nothing happened. The group just laughed and went on their way. Sadly, this Brazilian man wasn't so lucky. It's horrible and it's tragic to know there are places in this world where being yourself could get you hurt.

Let us pray.

This is 19-year old Ferruccio Silvestro. A victim because he dares to breathe.

Push

"The other day,
I cried.
I felt stupid.
But you know what?
Fuck that day."

The Labyrinth

You know,
I wish we were born
with a leaf of paper folded neatly in our hand
-- on it
the name and address of the person we’re meant to be with.
That would make the search a lot easier.
That would take away all the pain and struggle.

Day seven.

No one is perfect
and it sucks to have a paradox control our love.

“I can’t breathe without you and I can’t breathe with you,”
you said
and I heard you for the first time.

It really is true:
at least I got to experience a beautiful thing.

Like for instance
your tears
that came
that first time
you said “don’t leave me.”
That stuck
ever since.

Everyday
I go back to it.
Sometimes, it makes me smile
-- I was that wanted.
Sometimes, it makes me sad
-- you were that repentant.

I find myself pushing forth,
taking complicated steps,
feeling like I’ve lost a thumb or limb—
you were that necessary.

Anyway,
I’ll wait it out.
See what transpires these next few weeks.
Will I laugh?
No.
Will I eat?
No.
Will I try?
No.
But I’ll wait
though,
a little optimistically,
and hope.

Day six.

It's been the hardest day so far.

I had the whole day
to myself
free to think
even though I tried hard not to.

Did laundry
and realized in shock
your tee going 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round
in the dryer
gathered with my stuff.

I didn't know. I didn't know.

Day five.

I made myself leave you alone today
when all I wanted was to call and say come back.
I abandoned the phone
and listened to this repeatedly.

Day four.

I escape my little room
to ignore the commotion going on inside me.

I leave
and promise myself to let you be.

I settle my sore head
let the spirit rise in my heart
even though it burns

I drink up
laugh with a friend.

Day three.

My mind keeps replaying little moments.

Each time, I see
what I should have done differently.

Day two.

What to do, what to do?

Focus on the bad days
because the anger will help me through.

Day one.

Give a little, get a lot.

I tossed and turned
and soaked my pillow while in bed this morning
I didn't want to wake up and face the sun.