I Thought I Knew

i can't figure out
if being single this long has been a blessing
or if i've been cursed
i thought i knew,
i mean, i've been content
i don't spend my nights longing and hoping for love
so, there can't be a curse, right?

but i must admit
tiny thoughts of belonging to someone creep
and linger for a small while somedays
sometimes i'll think: hmmm. it'd be nice to have a man to go out with today,
spend an evening at the movies with someone
you know?
i don't know.

i thought this single life was a choice
but maybe i've just been telling myself that to ease the pain

that comes with loneliness

i wonder