Cruel

I’m sorry I don’t want to spend the wee hours of the night talking about your problems
Or happiness
I’ve got my own stuff to keep me up late
And if this means I’m absolutely terrible
It’s not my fault
I’m only terrible to terrible people

So, you can stop insisting that we hang out
To talk
And catch up
Because I don’t want to
I have no desire to listen to anything you have to say
To hear you gloat about your lucky dalliances
Or world travels
Or to hear you complain about how stuck you feel
In life
And love
And your career

I don’t want to hold on to your leash anymore
Guide you here and there
Tell you it’s going to be okay
Or congratulate you on what little successes you achieve
I don’t care

I know that this makes me somewhat cruel
There’s a little bit of judgment here too
I mean, who am I to say you’re terrible, anyway?
What’s so far up my ass to make me this uptight and angry?
Maybe I’m just too old now
And cranky
Or maybe I’m just sick and tired of you

I’ll pray.

I Thought I Knew

i can't figure out
if being single this long has been a blessing
or if i've been cursed
i thought i knew,
i mean, i've been content
i don't spend my nights longing and hoping for love
so, there can't be a curse, right?

but i must admit
tiny thoughts of belonging to someone creep
and linger for a small while somedays
sometimes i'll think: hmmm. it'd be nice to have a man to go out with today,
spend an evening at the movies with someone
you know?
i don't know.

i thought this single life was a choice
but maybe i've just been telling myself that to ease the pain

that comes with loneliness

i wonder

Told You So

It’s because you’re broken
That’s why you’ll never be absolutely happy
Yes, you’ll have little magic instances
There will be rounds or tiny moments of complete ecstasy
And you’ll be fooled to think: “Finally!”
But remember—
It will never be enough
And it will never last
Because who are you to trample on the weaker ones
And expect satisfaction?
Karma won't allow it
You’ve got a lot of wrongs to right,
Too many arrows to take back
You will never be lucky at love
And that’s just a fact.

iRemember

another year for you
how many boxes do you have to count down to now
to check off your age group?
how does it feel?
here’s hoping it’s everything you want it to be
and here’s hoping the different age
makes you wiser
i pray for you
and i wish you well
because you deserve happiness
in spite of it all

wherever you are, make it count.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Beat by beat, fall in love."

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye (w/ Kimbra)
Not Fair - Lily Allen
Say Aah - Lindsey Pavao
Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Ray
I Mind - James Blake
Give Me All your Luvin' - Madonna (w/ Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.)
It's How We Play - Holly Palmer
Brick or Coconuts - Jacuzzi Boys
Gangsta - Tune Yards

About a Boy

so, i met a boy

and although i don't know much about him

i know enough to say he's almost perfect

and exactly how i like them

he's big

but neat

and his smile is everything to me

he's the man of my dreams!

but, he's got such low self-esteem

"i think you're cute...funny...hot. i just don't think I'm equally as attractive," he said.

how unfortunate

but such is life

i've used that line myself before so i don't blame him

that isn't to say that i agree, of course

he's totally wrong about everything

he is beautiful &

i think he's got things backwards

but, even so, most times we just don't see what everyone else can

save for a few lucky ones

who see everything no one else can

it's all so very cruel

Conflicts IV

So, all this time

I thought I'd make a great wife.

But, I can't cook.

I don't have the patience for it.

My pancakes this morning were burnt.

Now, what happens if

I can't make a good husband, either?

I don't know how to balance a checkbook and

I can't be bothered to top all the time.

I guess I'll be forever alone.

Leona Lewis

I've never really paid attention to Leona Lewis. I mean, like everyone else in the world, I did fall in love with "Bleeding Love." As a matter of fact, I own copies of some of her other singles, too. But, I've never invested much time into her. Namely, her performances or her story because the thought of her being a Simon Cowell protégée always turned me off.

Recently, though, at this year's X-Factor USA finale, she performed a cover of Snow Patrol's "Run" and, while I was ready to mute my television, I certainly didn't expect to actually be moved. Take a look at the clip below. Honestly, she makes singing look so easy. Her performance here is definitely a testament to her being on the right path. She was born to sing. This is obviously what she was put on this great Earth to do. She deserves a lot more recognition than she gets. I, for one, understand that now.

Leona Lewis, I'm sorry. I believed but I never really did care. You are worth more than I thought.

If for any ungodly reason you're not convinced, have a listen at some of these songs here. I shan't let you live your life and die without introducing these if you haven't heard them yet...

See You

i've had enough of you
(and i didn't even really get to have you!)
i'm finished running to you
dropping hints of my loneliness
hoping you'll pick up the tab because i'm drinking way too much now
but you don't write
and you don't even call
you just sit and let me do all the work
but i won't no more

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Stay still and listen now."

White Sails (Demo) - Marques Toliver
Collide - Leona Lewis & Avicii
Quiero Que Me Quieras - Jesse & Joy
We Are Young - Glee Cast
Wild Ones - Flo Rida (w/ Sia)

State of the Union

like a toxic playboy,
he speaks,
his charm bright
seeping from his throat
and eyes
and even from his finger tips
see the light when he points?
hypnotizing!

we cheer
& stare
like desperate zombies
roaming, fixated, draggy
wondering how we're going to eat today
where will we even go
what will happen to us?

"we're all ok," he assures us

we hope
we pray
he smiles

the great orator.

Faith

i’m tired
but my soul is hungry
i gotta fight
break away from all the ugly
‘cause there’s more
yes, there’s more
there’s got to be more out there

we shall see
never lose hope
although I can’t see Him near me
i will just pray
He can’t leave me lonely
no
never lonely
no
He won’t do that to me

wait for it.

Simon Says

what is the point of this story
what information pertains
the thought that life could be better
is woven indelibly
into our hearts
and our brains

Paul Simon

Chatter Box

She says it’s easier to be friends w/ men than w/ women. I say it’s ‘cause guys don’t talk much & she gets to talk all about herself—every day, every day, every minute.

Christmas in New York (I miss you, Puerto Rico)

So, I'm in New York for the holidays. I'm not too happy about that. There isn't anything like spending the holidays in my beautiful island country Puerto Rico. But, I'll make the best of the time I have here in New York. I'm happy and it's a beautiful day. I'll be in Puerto Rico soon enough anyway, so for now, listen to this with me - "Lamento del Campesino" by Puerto Rican superstar Ednita Nazario. Let's blow a big kiss to the glorious island of Puerto Rico this holiday season.

"Ella es mi vida, por ella vivo y muero por ella..."