Hickey

I wear the mark like a medal
and I feel fine
knowing you chewed and tasted me
with dedicated vigor
like a dog and his bone
or a little girl and her cotton candy
I smile when I see it
I tremble when I touch it
I love it

To Any Man Willing to Try

If you have a gun
you should shoot me
I don't believe in suicide
but murder, I could handle that
and I promise I won't haunt you day and night
when I'm gone
you'll be fine
I'll make sure of it

Raw

It’s not a mistake if it keeps happening

I’m not sure what to call it, though

It’s a weakness

on my part

completely and utterly unstoppable

almost

I think

I don't know

because everything I say isn't so

and I wrestle with these contradictions

No matter how many weapons there are in front of me

I just can’t manage to pick one up

and fight against the big ol’ fat monster

Instead,

I bow down

all cowardly and randy

because it feels much better to give right in to it

The consequences banging right outside my door

I know it all

I know the truth behind just one time

But still—
with the uncooked feelings jumbling inside me

ruining my decision making
I can’t stop myself
when you tell me
"it's OK, because I love you."

Is Your Love Big Enough for What's to Come?

I'm still alive but my blog is dead.  This happens a lot, I know. The gaps between each post has gotten wider and although I always mean to change that, I never get around to writing.  I'm lazy, afraid, and uninspired. But there's good stuff coming.  I can feel it.  So, have faith in me and keep your prayers up.  The candle of inspiration inside me will start burning again.

Now, in the meantime, feel the love and peace that is the musical genius Lianne La Havas. Be moved.

Valiantman

Last night I dreamt you were a superhero—
saving lives while forgetting your own,
stomping on all the tiny monsters out there,
breaking apart
all the schemes
to ruin the big world...
a day in the life of a valiant man,
fighting injustice and taking a stand

But then
in the end
when you were done for the day
you came home
all alone
without a single man to call your own
and I was somewhere out there dancing
with a mask, too
but no powers

You picked up your cell phone
and sent me a text
"I'm so mad at you for doing this to me," you wrote
and as Ke$ha's "C'mon" played
I cried
Because I missed you more than I could have ever imagined.

My Music Awards V

It seems like only yesterday we were giving away a handful of Grammys to the one and only Adele.  Music's biggest night is just around the corner and in honor of tomorrow's nominations announcement, here are some of my picks for this year's best.  Let's see if any of these will be Grammy nominated.

Record of the Year:

"Titanium" - David Guetta featuring Sia.

I don't know if David Guetta or his record company submitted this song for contention in this category but here's hoping someone did.  There wasn't a more universal or groundbreaking song out there this year.  It would be a great toast to the EDM community if David were nominated here and, thanks to Sia's impeccable and haunting vocals, I really think it would have a great shot at winning.  Aside from that, Fun. ("We Are Young" w/ Janelle Monáe) and Gotye (Somebody That I Used to Know w/ Kimbra) had tremendous success with their hit songs, too.  So, if they get nominated for Record of the Year, I won't be mad. Of course, there's a ton of speculation regarding Carly Rae Epson's "Call Me Maybe" being nominated. While the song is fun and fantastic, I think that chick ought to thank her lucky stars awards pundits even know her name. Yes, the song is arguably 2012's biggest hit. But, it doesn't merit a Record of the Year nomination.  Keep in mind, this is a category big commercial hits have often been snubbed.  If Britney Spears, LMFAO, and Ke$ha--to name a few--have been overlooked here for their much bigger hits, Carly better not expect a shout out.  If there has to be one pop-princess-type nominated in this category this year, then I think Demi Lavato's "Skyscraper" or Katy Perry's "Part of Me" is it. 

Honorable Mention: "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele.

Song of the Year:

"Thinkin Bout You" - Christopher Breaux & Shea Taylor.

The words slay.  If your heart doesn't skip a beat, read the lyrics slowly.  Check your pulse.  Drink some water.  Have an orange.  Chrisopher Breaux (AKA Frank Ocean) released one of the heaviest songs to shock the R&B airwaves in a very long time. The song is beautiful and although he hasn't had as much commercial success as those who hardly deserve an ounce of the love that they do get--Justin Bieber--I'm so happy that he's gotten any attention at all. It says a lot about the state of America today.  Frank would not have been respected years ago.  This song is a gem and I'm sure this will be nominated for Record of the Year, too.  But, for me, it's 2012's song of the year.

Best New Artist:

Frank Ocean.

We'll see a country act nominated.  There will be a rock group and perhaps even a boy band, too.  But in the end, the best new artist will be Frank Ocean.  He certainly is my new favorite.

Honorable Mention: The Lumineers

Album of the Year:

"Channel ORANGE" - Frank Ocean.

So, I'm kind of anticipating a Frank Ocean Grammy sweep if you haven't noticed. I was moved, I cried, I was inspired, and I slow danced in my bedroom all by myself without a care or worry in the world that first time I listened to Channel ORANGE.  It's that rare classic R&B album that seems to come around every few years, à la The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, Back to Black, and Come Away with Me, to name a few.  It's my favorite album of the year and I hope it's every Grammy voter's favorite also.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance:

"Rumor Has It" - Adele.

Sing it, girl.  
Honorable Mention:  "Part of Me" - Katy Perry.

Best R&B Album:

"Channel ORANGE" - Frank Ocean.

Best Urban Contemporary Album:

"Talk That Talk" - Rihanna.

Rihanna's last three albums have been full-on knockouts.  She's a rockstar.   This album is epic.

Best Dance Recording:

"Titanium" - David Guetta featuring Sia.

Honorable Mentions: "We Found Love" - Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris and "Timebomb" - Kylie Minogue.

Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal:
"Somebody That I Used to Know" - Gotye featuring Kimbra.

Best Female Country Vocal Performance:
"Over You" - Miranda Lambert

Writer's Block

I've lost my hope...
my talent...
my faith...
and my desire—
but if any of you happen to have any of these to spare, I'd like to buy them.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"If I don't get it right, listen again."

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding
Forrest Gump - Frank Ocean
City Boy - Donkeyboy 
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) - P!nk
Daddy - Emeli Sandé
Everybody Talks - Neon Trees
Latinoamérica - Calle 13 (w/ Totó la Momposina, Susana Baca, & María Rita)
Want U Back - Cher Lloyd
Lengua - Beatriz Luengo (w/ Shaggy and Toy Selectah)
Birds Fly Away - Theresa Andersson
Feel Again - OneRepublic
Beloved Freak - Garbage
Is Your Love Big Enough? - Lianne La Havas
The High Road - Joss Stone
Oh Maker - Janelle Monáe
Good Time - Owl City (w/ Carly Rae Jepsen)
Anything We Want - Fiona Apple
Stay - Sara Bareilles
A Lullaby for my Fictitious Children... - Maylee Todd
Guardian - Alanis Moriessette
Sunset - Stevie Wonder

I Write

I don’t pretend to be more than I am

I never studied the craft

and I don’t buy poetry books

I don't think I'm a poet

and these aren’t poems, really

These are just random,

silly,

mostly incoherent musings—

simple ramblings

and outbursts of feelings

Things from inside my wicked self

My heads

(yes, there are two)

and this heart

speak like this

I’m no poet,

but I write.

Conflicts V

I thought for a while I could love him

but now I realize I just want to sleep with him

I could care more for his dick

than I ever could his heart

knowing now the things I know about him and all

And I know I should be ashamed to feel this

to reveal this, even

but I'm not
There's no hint of shame whatsoever
Though that’ll change after I let him inside me, I'm sure.

Hiatus

I haven't written much lately because I haven't been inspired to.  I've been on a hiatus of sorts from here again.  It's a good thing, though. I mean, in some ways it's a good thing. I usually write when I'm sad and heartbroken.  I'm neither of those things, thankfully, so there hasn't been much to write about.  There's also a great big cloud of laziness hanging over me so that's partially to blame. Anyway, it's September. I usually get the ball rolling again in September.  So, that's the goal. I'll do my very best to write stuff here because there are dreams to achieve and this is the best way to practice.  I'll be around more often. 

Drunk Rant

How many love letters do you get

a day

a week

or even a year?

How many stupid sonnets do they write,
these love-obsessed queers
and girls
you like on Tuesday but give up on Thursday?
Your big dick dangling across their faces,
slapping them silly on occasion
their twisted eyes
on ecstasy,
'cept they don't swallow a pill,
just you...
Boom,
bashing,
puncturing tiny vessels
and great big walls
without a moment's care
'cause they're there
and why not take advantage of every situation,
er, person,
and make fake-love to these dreamers
as they create in their heads
clichéd thoughts and stories in the form of fucked up sentences
all arty and the like
anticipating their ride home
on a dirty, dangerous subway line
iPod on deck
so they can jot down the stupid memory on a writer's application
and remember, for always,
the pretty little liar that you were
the liar they didn't see and won't see for some time, really
'cause it takes time to wake up from the dream
and what you won't know
or rather, 
what you will know but will choose to ignore or let go,
is the sad fact that these people,
these lovers 
will spend numerous moments of their lives
reflecting on your days together
un-sent love letters pouring out
the notes going from glee
to pity 
recounting false love and
miscommunicated declarations of affection
recalling
that motherfucker with a bat 
so big
so strong
so brown and Dominican

Basically

Perhaps, after all this here—
after all of these miles and miles of lines—
in the end, after all, what i meant to say was:
it's amazing that your love was mine.

Lost One

If I asked God to take over,
I wonder if he’d be willing

or would he laugh

and give me the finger.

“Not a chance,” he’d most likely say.

Because I’m so lost
and there is no hope.

Wake Up!

Humble yourself,
you stupid idiot
and don't let him go
Because he’s all the man that you need
He smiles at comics
and rides the subway with his mommy
A tough heart, yes
but he’s real sweet
if you settle in
and rest on his knees
You’ll see.