Dear Eddie

I’ve never been into you

You’re not my type at all

You’re a ladies’ man,

and I was never a fan

But today I can’t get you out of my head

I can’t remember the last time I saw you

Just two days ago, though, I dreamt about you

We ran into each other at H&M

After how many years!?

We locked eyes

and as I walked towards the fitting rooms

you followed right behind me

In an empty room—

no words exchanged—

you lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around you

You caressed my ass

I kissed your neck

You, 5’11 and strong

Me, 5’8 and meek

Faux-fucking with our clothes on

“I’ve always wanted to do this to you,” you finally said.

And then I woke up.

I guess I’ll lust after you for God knows how long thanks to this—

this damn dream

And I’ll think of all those days we sat next to each other

at church

and I never thought to let my knee touch your knee

Or those late nights you knocked on my bedroom window just to talk

and we talked and talked and talked to the early morning 
Maybe if I had invited you in

we could’ve talked and cuddled in bed instead

and made something,

you know?

You’re married now
and I wish you well.

Two-Face

Sometimes we dance our little salsa

Like husband and wife

You and me

We’re such a fantastic match

Oh, the laughs!

But that’s on a good day

'cause there are days you wake up on the wrong side of the mattress

It seems

And I can never tell

Should I say hello

Or wait and see

You Gemini thing

For Hope

It's been a dismal August in New York City for those of us who love lots of sunlight.  We've had too many days of rain and gray skies keeping us from hitting the beaches and pools.  Summer is almost gone and we haven't felt much of it this month.  It's expected to reach near 90° weather this week though so there's hope still.  July was so very hot and excellent. I'm praying the last couple weeks of August are somewhat similar.

As I type this in bed near the window, I see that there's sunlight creeping through.  I'm blasting "Wings" by Birdy in dedication. Dear Sun—don't be shy today and I won't be either.

Let's dance.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

I can't believe the time is finally here. I purchased my ticket to Puerto Rico in February and it's already June. In a couple hours I'll be set to embark on yet another trip to my homeland―that hot and sunny island that gets me emotional and makes me feel super peaceful inside because it's the only place where I'm ever really free on the inside and out.

Below is a piece I (sort of) wrote (with the help of a very well known lyricist, of course) a couple years ago and I think it's not a bad idea to re-post it.  Enjoy.

"Puerto Rico. My heart's devotion. [Don't] let it sink back in the ocean. [So what if] the hurricanes [are sometimes] blowing, [and] the population [is] growing, and the money owing, and the sunlight streaming, and the natives steaming. I [don't] like the island Manhattan! Smoke on your pipe and put that in!" 

My version of the classic song "America" from the musical West Side Story.

I Found You

It is a great pity I do not have a singing voice.  Although, it is probably for the best since I would most likely spend half of my day belting almost every line that came out of my mouth.  I would be annoying. God knows what He is doing.  He chooses His singers wisely, I suppose.

Some songs are strong enough to make you wish you were the one singing it.  Some songs tackle the heart and head and if you close your eyes while listening, you imagine yourself on stage showing the world this is how you feel. The songs that do that never get old and tired. 

I have spent a lot of time listening to this track here. I love it so much I wish I could sing it to you all. It is not new but I feel something brand new inside me every time I play it.  The song shakes me, which is a fitting feeling considering the name of the band is Alabama Shakes.  

If you happen to be reading this, and you have never heard this brilliant song, you are a lucky human today.  I would like you to take the time now to relax, sit for a bit, raise your computer volume up a tad, and take this song in.  It will make you want love if you do not have it and it will make you feel grateful for it if you already do. You will see. 

Bright Light

"If I cry one tear...I stole it off a crocodile."

Today,
I'm going to be all kinds of optimistic
and giddy,
even if i have to lie about it...
see if things turn out differently.

Is This the End?

I don’t have the desire to keep this going

I think, perhaps, I ought to get rid of this

Delete everything

Who cares about this shit anyway?

I don't.

But I won’t

In case I ever do again, you know?

I’m not inspired about anything anymore

I’m too old for love, too

That’s typically the most inspirational subject of my life

But there are cobwebs between the thighs

And my fingers aren’t strong enough to carry a pencil

I can't write

if there's no love

So,
fuck this.

Alexander

I crave you every single day

but it’s a wonder why

since I can’t even put up with you

and you can’t handle me either

we fight

but you hold me tight

you laugh at me

and I disappear a couple days after

still, you linger in my head

I go back to you

and we do the dance again

I know:

It could all be so much simpler if I would
shut up and surrender

but I can't

because I'm not that kind of man
and I'm just so scared of you

King James

How to emotionally detach
like it's a limb that's got gangrene
or a piece of me I can take apart
unscrew the nail
untie the silly string
burn this part of me
how do i rid myself of this crutch that won't even help me walk upright anymore
my stomach hurts
is this love
i drag my feet now
and his holy body is stuck inside my head

Stay

you say to remember you
whenever i listen to 'stay'
it's supposed to make me feel better, i guess
but i don't feel that way

you seem to mock how i feel
i can't get enough of you still
when you whisper:
"i'm here—
all yours"
i know you're really not

you laugh
and you smile
when i tell you
i can't live without you
you cry when i stare at the wall
and disappear
when it's your turn to

'round and around we go
not really sure how to feel about it

Hickey

I wear the mark like a medal
and I feel fine
knowing you chewed and tasted me
with dedicated vigor
like a dog and his bone
or a little girl and her cotton candy
I smile when I see it
I tremble when I touch it
I love it

To Any Man Willing to Try

If you have a gun
you should shoot me
I don't believe in suicide
but murder, I could handle that
and I promise I won't haunt you day and night
when I'm gone
you'll be fine
I'll make sure of it

Raw

It’s not a mistake if it keeps happening

I’m not sure what to call it, though

It’s a weakness

on my part

completely and utterly unstoppable

almost

I think

I don't know

because everything I say isn't so

and I wrestle with these contradictions

No matter how many weapons there are in front of me

I just can’t manage to pick one up

and fight against the big ol’ fat monster

Instead,

I bow down

all cowardly and randy

because it feels much better to give right in to it

The consequences banging right outside my door

I know it all

I know the truth behind just one time

But still—
with the uncooked feelings jumbling inside me

ruining my decision making
I can’t stop myself
when you tell me
"it's OK, because I love you."

Is Your Love Big Enough for What's to Come?

I'm still alive but my blog is dead.  This happens a lot, I know. The gaps between each post has gotten wider and although I always mean to change that, I never get around to writing.  I'm lazy, afraid, and uninspired. But there's good stuff coming.  I can feel it.  So, have faith in me and keep your prayers up.  The candle of inspiration inside me will start burning again.

Now, in the meantime, feel the love and peace that is the musical genius Lianne La Havas. Be moved.

Valiantman

Last night I dreamt you were a superhero—
saving lives while forgetting your own,
stomping on all the tiny monsters out there,
breaking apart
all the schemes
to ruin the big world...
a day in the life of a valiant man,
fighting injustice and taking a stand

But then
in the end
when you were done for the day
you came home
all alone
without a single man to call your own
and I was somewhere out there dancing
with a mask, too
but no powers

You picked up your cell phone
and sent me a text
"I'm so mad at you for doing this to me," you wrote
and as Ke$ha's "C'mon" played
I cried
Because I missed you more than I could have ever imagined.