Dos

You pretend you're an angel, but you'll never have wings
Always stranded with your broken dreams
Your limp is telling－
that defeated gait, those miserable eyes:
I can see through all your lies
I'm more of a witch than you'll ever be
I see everything.
That blithe heart is filled with holes
no-frills, imitation
Fooling everyone is your ultimate goal
But I rise,
'cause I have weapons to rebuke your corrupted soul

I Am Vile

I am a terrible person
because I didn't see you
the hundreds of times you tried
I am vile,
pure filth
I am nothing
because I didn't commit

When I had to care for three babies
I should've made time for you
When I had to nurse the sick back to health
I shouldn't have let it interfere with anything in your life
Because your needs were supposed to come first
And it didn't matter at all if all the world happened to fall
I should've been at your door before your call

Invincible

I'd be dead if I were deaf.  The voice inside would get too loud.  I'd drown. Imagine? Where would I be if I couldn't hear people sing? I keep listening to Kelly Clarkson's "Invincible" today.  Music saves. This song is helping some. I don't want to kill myself today. I don't feel afraid anymore. I listen with the stereo on loud. The neighbors are away so it's all OK.

Happy tears today.
Happy tears for life now.

Like Water

The tears are flowing like water today
I see her
I feel her
I close my eyes and she's still here
I open them and she goes
Grandma, come back
Stay a while now
I need you now
Don't leave now

So Cold

It's fitting
These snowstorms this winter make so much sense
This intense cold weather mocks me:
I'm an Ice Queen these days.

I can't see straight anymore
I'm blowing about here and there
I want to jump off buildings
Drown myself in a frozen lake
Something, anything
To get rid of me

I want to scream at the world
Throw stones at fools
Why won't everyone just let me be?
I'm crazy.

Life's different
I will never be the same again
I lost my smile,
my touch,
my heart's buried now

Grandma

I can't shake these shakes
my legs are all over the place
I'm so nervous all day
everywhere I rest, there are little earthquakes
I'm asleep inside but I'm awake
I can't breathe OK

I miss you.

RIP

And, just like that,
I have another angel watching over me.

Stay Alive

I sit here tonight
watching my grandmother
as she sleeps, snores, struggles to breathe
inside her heart is dying
and every other organ is slowly following because of it
I stare at her
so strong, so sweet, so beautiful
tears run down my face
I pray, I wish, I hope, I plead
for miracles and good health
I don't know anyone who deserves it more than she

Perfume

I miss you
so, to make like you are here
I thought it'd be sweet
if I doused myself in your favorite scent
I stole it
last time you asked me over
But now I smell like a broken heart
because you're not here
holding me beneath these thick blankets
This whiff is irritating
and I can't help but wish I had a match now
to light myself on fire
your perfume, my gasoline
What was I thinking?

Alexander II

Let's go to Stonewall again,
play pool,
and skirt around all that sexual tension that keeps us from effectively communicating—
because maybe,
just maybe
there can be peace between us finally

Stand there,
smirk and pout like you do with that beautiful mouth
while I dance around the great green felt
contemplating my next move
watch me forget my balls and
help you sink all your stripes
just to prove my point

I want to take care of you

Can You Guess Who?

Of all my exes,
there's 1 I'd take back,
1 I'd still fuck,
and 1 I'd like to shoot right in the middle of the face

Ex-Boyfriend, or P.I.G.

In the new year, I won't let him treat me like shit
I won't allow him to use my struggles against me
The past is done
I don't live there anymore
and he can't punish me
when I tried everything
He can continue to immortalize my former complications all he wants
But I'm not going to care anymore

So, I leave this past year behind:
all the tears, the yearning, the exhausting torture dealing with his ways
and I'll see it off to a faraway place where memories go to die
making sure to leave room for him to tag along

See ya.

Reefer Madness

We listened to freestyle music from, like, the 80s.  He sparked a roach, looked into my eyes, and whispered behind a dull cloud: I'm going to blow smoke up your butt tonight.

And I gagged—
like a giddy trans girl,
I gagged.

Get Out

If I replace "London" with "New York"
and think of sunlight and midnight breeze
will I end up in Puerto Rico and feel better?

I want to be there,
not here.

Brick

I thought you'd be here for me
I keep turning to see if maybe your shadow will appear
but I don't see anything
Can't you hear me screaming?
You're a deaf man to everything

Oh, to be like you—
the way you forget the good times
and remember just the days when things didn't go your way
If only I could be so cold!
Maybe then this shock wouldn't exist—
this shock that runs through me
all electric and burning...
You said you'd always be here
but you're so far gone

Hate me for all the wrong reasons,
that's ok
I just hope this wondrous wall you've built to guard your every emotion keeps your cold heart warm at night