Lennon Said

Ex-boyfriend, Or The Dog

It was the doggy eyes that did me in this time
when we reconnected for conversation
and I’m surprised
because I thought I knew better
because I know you

And the trick was to make you want it all
all over again
and keep myself from giving in
make you sorry and obsessed
But instead,
I was the one who wanted to hold your hand
for, like, longer than ever
and I was the one who was a mess
for, like, always and always

How do you do it—
because it’s all blowing up in my face now,
which serves me right
because love is a losing game
when you fool with it like so

I want to touch you
but I have to stay away,
get off the merry-go-round
before you bite
much harder this time
and I catch something all over again

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Let the music take over."

How Are You Doing? - The Living Sisters

Cannonball - Lea Michele

Into the Blue - Kylie Minogue

Know Who You Are - Pharrell Williams (w/ Alicia Keys)
The Look - Metronomy

Simplethings - Miguel

Waves - Electric Guest

Wings - Haerts

Somebody Loves You - Betty Who

Stuck - Caro Emerald

No Rest For the Wicked - Lykke Li

Chandelier - Sia

Feels Like Coming Home - Jetta

Cheating - John Newman

Empire - Shakira

Little Devil - Campa

Cardiac Arrest - Bad Suns

So F*kt Up  - Avan Lava

Baby it's You - Smith

Conduct

I’m not proud of myself
Especially lately
I keep putting things behind
Stalling
Ignoring time
There’s so much to get done!
If I were my own father I’d slap me silly
That’s the thing to do
Because I’m a bit of a disgrace
Of late
and there are ways I ought to behave
That I’ve forgotten about
Don’t I know better?
I think it’s time to take a step back
Re-evaluate everything
Or certain things
The neglected and misrepresented things
It’s time to act differently

Shorty

Why is validation from everyone else so important?
Maybe it's because I'm not strong enough to validate myself
Or is it really conceit?
No
It can't be
I don't seek validation because I think I deserve it
Still, I bet the half of you think I love myself more than I should
Maybe I come off as stick-up-the-ass, high and mighty
But I’m not
I’m really not
This isn’t to say that I could never be that way, though
If I could buy this kind of attitude,
I'd do it now
In a minute
Because let’s face it:
Who wouldn’t give away an organ, some years of his life, a first born even
In exchange for enough confidence to stand up tough and tall.

Goodbye (For Real This Time)

I saved his texts to remind myself he’s an asshole
Just in case I forget
Because shit happens
And the mind is a delicate thing
Especially when we’re in need
Of someone between the thighs
Or inside
You know?

Are You There God? It's Me, Edwin.

I don’t think you like me
I mean, I guess you do but not as much as I’d like you to
You’re so hard on me
Like I’m Lucifer himself
Maybe I’ve got his blood running through me
Is he a distant relative?
It’s not my fault if he is
Don’t make me pay for his mistakes

Why is it all a constant fight?
I just want to breathe like a normal man
Wake up
Feel pretty inside and out
Trust you with every ounce
Have faith without a doubt
What’s wrong with you up there?
What’s happening?
Why can’t you see that I deserve these things?
You disappoint me.

I can’t understand the trials you put me through
I don’t get any of them
What’s the lesson in pitting a simple man against himself?
You are love, supposedly
Where’s the love then?
Don’t you forget about me.

The Oscars

The Oscars are here! This year is probably the tightest race ever.  While there are clear frontrunners in all of the major categories, there are a few nominees worthy of upsetting.  After a lengthy awards season, tonight we finally find out who takes home the coveted Academy Award.  Here are my choices for 5 of the many categories that will finally be announced tonight.  (FYI: Yes, sometimes I have more than one choice for a category. It's hard to choose just one!)

Best Picture
Gravity
This is a two way race, in spite of the other nominees.  Expected to win in this category tonight is Gravity or 12 Years a Slave.  I liked Gravity a lot and while 12 Years a Slave is an important film and a necessary film, it isn't the best film in this category.  It's too long for me and I did get bored a little towards the middle of it.  The last half hour is incredible, though.  Those final moments make up for everything I don't like about the movie and if it wins tonight who could argue with that?  Still, Gravity is it for me.

Best Actress 
Sandra Bullock - Gravity
Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine
These two are the clear frontrunners and I am rooting for a tie.   Is that even possible?  I don't know.  They both deserve it.  I have seen Blue Jasmine about 15 times already－and that's not hyperbole.  I'm addicted to it and I love it.  Cate Blanchett's performance as a financially strapped, mentally broken-down socialite is pitch perfect in every way.  From her manic mannerisms to her cold stares into space and her wacky monologues, it's the performance of a lifetime. Every time I've watched her in this movie, I have been in complete awe. It's the kind of performance aspiring actors should study.  This is why she deserves to win.  However, there's Sandra Bullock fighting to edge her out as the final victor tonight.  In Gravity, Ms. Bullock manages to carry the entire film all on her own.  There isn't a single moment of boredom in this one-woman, edge-of-your-seat thriller about an astronaut stranded in space.

Best Actor 
Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyers Club
Chiwetel Ejiofor - 12 Years a Slave
This is another category where two winners would make more sense than just one.  It takes a great actor to take on a role completely unlike anything they've ever done.  It's unexpected, it shows the actor's range, and there is always something to be said about the actor who is brave enough to take risks.  In Dallas Buyers Club, one cannot help but forget it's the Matthew McConaughey before us as an HIV infected rodeo cowboy given just 30 days to live.  Matthew McConaughey is known for his burly physique but he is almost unrecognizable here. No other actor in this category has gone through such a transformation.  Chiwetel Ejiofor is a force in his movie so a win for him would make much sense.  It really is a toss up between these two.  Chiwetel made me cry, Matthew made it hard for me to forget.  My choice, in the end is Matthew.

Best Supporting Actress
Lupita N'yongo - 12 Years a Slave
Sally Hawkins - Blue Jasmine
Honestly, everyone nominated here deserves it.  I was most-affected by these two.  Of course, Lupita's got a slighter edge because she's gotten every other award leading up to the Oscars and, frankly, her performance packs a punch.  But Sally Hawkins is a doll as sister to the unraveling Jasmine in Blue Jasmine.  Lupita N'yongo is my sentimental favorite but I would love to see Sally Hawkins win.

Best Supporting Actor
Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club
That scene when he's in bed in obvious bad shape and his friend urges him to get to the hospital, he cries "I don't wanna die." That nailed it for me.  There were goosebumps all over my body.  For me, the most impactful performance deserves to win.  Rayon is still with me today. This one has that epic edge and I hope Jared Leto wins for it tonight.

Best Original Song
Happy - Pharrell Williams
This is usually the wackiest Oscar category.  The winner is almost never the most popular song or the most deserving.  I don't love any of the songs as much as I love this one.  

Freud or Fraud

You can go ahead
and tell your friends
all the things you think I did
and the things you think you know about me
with your pretend degree
in psychology
apparently
Let them have your one-sided story

Classified

In search of openly gay, intelligent, god-fearing, and lovable editor
to sit inside my head
for a bit
and help me sort out these jumbled thoughts
these confounding ideas keeping me
from being me
crisscrossing inside this skull like rabid jumping jacks on the fourth of July
I'm not crazy but I swear I am!
He must be brave
with pecs to boot
intimidate the doubts echoing inside
sift through the icky things
make something of everything
because I am done
I have tried
and I can't help but think I should have just died
that time I almost did

My Music Awards VI

Grammy nominations will be announced tonight.  There have been quite a few category changes in the last couple years and, to be honest, I’m not sure if most of the changes have been fair or make sense, particularly for a year like 2013.  One such change: making Grammy categories genderless.  If ever there were a year where gender separation made sense, it’d be this one.  This year, there have been too many great songs to whittle down and pit into a single category of five or six. 

Because of this, I’m going to guess that this year’s Grammy choices will mostly be about popularity rather than quality.  There just won't be enough categories to nominate the lesser known stuff.  Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift, Jay Z, and Katy Perry will reap nominations for sure. But I wonder if acts like Rhye, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Tamar Braxton, Haim, and Sara Bareilles will be recognized.  The Grammy’s are notorious for honoring the obscure artist from time to time, but those with bigger names have made much bigger splashes this year than ever before so I don’t see that happening this go around.  

Below are my choices for the best in music of 2013.  For the first time, I don’t think there is a clear frontrunner for most of the categories so I’ll list multiple “winners” instead.  

Album of the Year
The Heist. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
With three hit singles so far, this has proven to be the best hip-hop album of the year.  Forget Kanye West's "Yeezus."  This is it.  This independently produced album has made a great impact critically, socially, and commercially and for good reason.
Honorable Mention: "The Blessed Unrest" by Sara Bareilles.  It's this year's "21" in my opinion.  The album is amazing from start to finish. 

Record of the Year

"Brave" – Sara Bareilles.

The song is an anthem for those of us who need a little push to be, well, brave. It’s an encouraging song that’s catchy, beautiful, and quite frankly a major step away from the trendy stuff on radio—and thank God for that. Say what you will about Katy Perry’s “Roar” but this came first. 

Honorable Mentions: 

“We Can’t Stop” by Miley Cyrus—the girl acts like a joke but her music is incredible.  There’s no way industry folks will nominate this song for Record of the Year but let’s be honest: it’s a great jam and deserves some kudos, in spite of its subject matter.  It’s a shame Miley’s crazy stage antics take away from her good voice.  

"Gorilla" by Bruno Mars—this is another one with very daring lyrics. Singing about sex and drug use is popular this year, apparently. Still, together with his voice and great music, it's a powerful song.  It's honest, too. 

“Royals” by Lorde—was there a bigger song this year? She’s the anti-Miley outcast hero voice of her generation. (Actually, I’m much older and I think she’s the voice of me as well.)  She’s essentially 17 going on 105, with wisdom and courage to boot.

“Thrift Shop” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis w/ Wanz—a funny, intelligent, and hip-hop masterpiece. 

Song of the Year

"Brave" – Sara Bareilles.

The words are important at a time when bullying is so popular in America.  

Best New Artist

Tamar Braxton, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Rhye, Phillip Phillips, and Lorde are my favorite new artists this year.  

Best Pop Solo Performance

"Brave" – Sara Bareilles. 

Honorable Mention: "Blurred Lines" – Robin Thicke

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance

"The Fall" – Rhye

Honorable Mention:  "Don't Save Me" – Haim

Best Pop Vocal Album

"The Blessed Unrest"  – Sara Bareilles

Best Dance Recording

"Applause"  – Lady Gaga

Honorable Mention: "Clarity" – Zedd w/ Foxes

Best Rock Performance

"Still Into You" – Paramore

Best R&B Performance

"Love & War" – Tamar Braxton

Honorable Mention: "Side Effects of You" and "Lose to Win" – Fantasia

Best R&B Album

"Love & War" – Tamar Braxton

Seriously, this is the best R&B album I've heard in a very long time.  

Best Rap Performance

"Thrift Shop" – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
"Same Love" – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis w/ Mary Lambert

Best Latin Pop, Rock, or Urban Album
"3.0" – Marc Anthony

Producer of the Year
Ryan Lewis

Freaks

A few weeks ago, someone called me a freak. I don’t know why but for some strange reason, the word felt like a blow to my face or a knife on my back.  I guess the word had more of an impact on me because it came from someone who always seemed nice and relatively peaceful.  Or could it be the blow was so strong because I am a freak and just haven’t accepted it?  I don’t know for sure but what I do know is this: the word bothered me and I don’t think I deserved it one bit.

I am not the most polite man in the world but I do think I am rather nice. I don’t like insults. I don’t like to hail them at others no matter how outlandish I think someone may be. I do my best to maintain a polite tongue and if I feel the urge to insult someone, I try to back off and zip the lip. I use the power of the written word and write a silly poem about my feelings. I pray, meditate, and reflect.  I ask myself, why do I want to insult this person?  What about him is bothering me?  This leads me to sometimes realize it’s more about me than it is about the person I want to insult.

I learned a long time ago that most insults are sort of a defense mechanism.  Those who do the insulting are generally just trying to protect their own feelings.  I caught the man in a lie and although it was just a silly lie, I guess he felt embarrassed by it when I pointed it out. He felt the need to defend himself and so he figured insulting me was the best way to do that.   Sometimes I think I should have insulted him right back. I should have said something to hurt him too.  But I’m mostly proud I didn’t go that route.  Instead, I simply told him that it wasn’t OK to call me a freak.  I went about it firmly but peacefully.  I’m just that kind of guy.  

Oxford's definition of the word is below.  Would it bother you if someone called you a freak?

•      (also freak of nature) a person, animal, or plant with an unusual physical abnormality.

•     informal. a person regarded as strange because of their unusual appearance or behavior.

The Art of Letting Go on Twitter

On Monday, Lady Gaga released her new studio album, Artpop.  Thus, this week and many weeks thereafter I will tweet profusely about every emotion I encounter and every insane or profound thought the divine Miss G will invoke in me as I listen to the new CD.  I will tweet a lot about it. I will tweet in caps sometimes.  I will tweet lyrics and pretty little photos of the pretty little lady, too. I will do this and I will do this proudly because I love her and it will be so hard to contain the urge to talk about anything other than Artpop.

If you feel you must unfollow me because of this, I will not hold it against you.  I can respect that.  Hardly anyone reads me, I am sure, but this time around, I am certain you will notice my tweets—now more than ever.  There will be so much excitement to let go of and Twitter will be my forum.

Of course, I do not want you to fret and expect one hundred tweets an hour on Lady Gaga.  I promise it will not go that far. At least I do not think it will go that far.  It would annoy me if someone flooded my timeline with thoughts on just one subject. Although, to be honest, I have had to put up with loads of certain tweets myself. But that's what Twitter is all about, though. Right?

There are those who go on week-long (!) political tirades, but I don’t say anything.

I put up with the sports enthusiasts,

the Tumblr junkies,

the gaggle of other artist fans and their dedication to their own favorite artist,

the scorned,

lovelorn,

torn,

hate speech writers…

the list

goes

on.

So, love me just a little bit more and do your best to put up with me this month. Let me let my people recognize:  I love Lady Gaga so much I could die.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

“Let the kid inside you dance with the grownup outside.”

Where Are We Going - Remy Shand
Pumpin Blood - Nonono
Salute - Little Mix 
Well Absolutely - Body Language
To Dust - Alice Russell
Unconditionally - Katy Perry
My Darlin' - Miley Cyrus w/ Future
White Walls - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis w/ Schoolboy Q & Hollis
Little Black Dress - Sara Bareilles
Stay and Fight - Tamar Braxton
Say Something - A Great Big World w/ Christina Aguilera
Team - Lorde
Day or Night - Judith Hill
Gorilla - Bruno Mars
Bad Day - Justin Bieber

Liar

I didn't get the opportunity to tell you how I feel
and it burns me every day
because you ought to know
how horrible you really are
even though you pretend not to be.

It didn't take long for me to realize
you were a bigger dick than the little one between your fat thighs
a lying man
with a clichéd tongue
so unoriginal!
with your uninspiring words
mister opportunistic
scheming, smooth
melodramatic
greedy, love-slut, fool
—though I'm a fool too because I gave you five minutes of my time

You're a joke
and I'm grateful I laughed it off before it was too late.