Christmas in New York (I miss you, Puerto Rico)

So, I'm in New York for the holidays. I'm not too happy about that. There isn't anything like spending the holidays in my beautiful island country Puerto Rico. But, I'll make the best of the time I have here in New York. I'm happy and it's a beautiful day. I'll be in Puerto Rico soon enough anyway, so for now, listen to this with me - "Lamento del Campesino" by Puerto Rican superstar Ednita Nazario. Let's blow a big kiss to the glorious island of Puerto Rico this holiday season.

"Ella es mi vida, por ella vivo y muero por ella..."

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Let the notes take you away."

Run - Leona Lewis
Dreamer - Elizaveta
Drunk On Love - Rihanna
She Doesn't Mind - Sean Paul
It Will Rain - Bruno Mars
Take Care - Drake (w/ Rihanna)
Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine
If I Could Fly - Charity Chapman

To Those I Leave Behind

As human beings, I think that the one thing we all want is to know that we matter
We all want to know we’re being heard,
that someone out there is paying attention to us.
A simple feeling of acknowledgement,
we crave it
basically.

Today, I want to let you know that you matter to me
I learned a lot from you
You taught me a lot about myself
Namely, to never judge without truly and really knowing a person
You were tough to handle
I was too sensitive to even try
But in the end, I noticed you
The real you
and it really makes me smile because
you’re really a decent person

I realize that this probably sounds like a love song
And, let’s be frank: if I were able to, I’d woo you in a heartbeat
‘cause opposites attract, right?
But don’t worry
I’m no weirdo
and this is no love song
Although, I write this with all my heart and all my love

I wish you the best
and may God watch over you in life forever

Remember me
I’ll definitely always remember you.

Conflicts III

Sometimes, we're told to trust our instincts. Other times, we're told to never judge a person if we don't know much about him. So, what to do if our heart says no but it hasn't been long enough to even ask for his last name?

He's beautiful, that's for sure. I can see myself holding him and staring into his eyes, just because I think it's time I did that. But, there's something I'm not getting. There's something a little off about this. What's missing? I'm not so sure. Do I give in to him, give it some time, and put my heart on the line? Or, do I walk away now, without even a concrete reason other than I'm just not feeling as amazing about this as I ought to? (Is that even a fair enough excuse!?)

Also, what if I'm just scared? I think I'm ready. I think it's finally time to meet someone. But, my heart's just too weak for this. This isn't easy. The chase, the game, the whole process is just so hard. What if all this "missing something" business has nothing to do with him? What if the thing that's missing is my very own bravado? I may have lost it—on Essex Street, in East New York, Brooklyn.

What do I do? I'm not good at dating.

Breakups

That awkward moment when you're over him but you're just not over it.

Pervert

you've caused me

new and happier nightly releases

each time I touch myself,

your face appears

and your head emerges inside my mouth like magic

all over again

I ♥ U, Jonah

O, Music. (2011, ed.)

Here's a list of my favorite albums this year. What are yours?

1. "21" - Adele
2. "Born This Way" - Lady Gaga
3. "Loud" - Rihanna
4. "Femme Fatale" - Britney Spears
5. "Pink Friday" - Nicki Minaj
6. "4" - Beyonce
7. "Speak Now" - Taylor Swift
8. "Late Nights & Early Mornings" - Marsha Ambrosius
9. "Paper Airplane" - Alison Krauss & Union Station
10. "The Incredible Machine" - Sugarland

My Music Awards IV

It's here! Grammy nominations will be announced tomorrow night and I think I'm a lot more excited this year than I was last year. Here's a look at my winners. Will these be nominated? We shall see.

Record of the Year:

"Rolling in the Deep" - Adele.

There wasn't a bigger song, album, or artist this year so anything that goes against this song will have a tough time winning. I think Adele's only real competition, if she has to have one, is Britney Spears' "Till the World Ends." I know that I'm probably the only person in the world gutsy enough to pit these two songs together but, I don't care. "Till the World Ends" is pop genius, pure and simple. No one deserves it more than Adele but Britney definitely deserves to be mentioned here. Interesting tidbit: I think it was senseless and I still cannot understand why Lady Gaga chose not to submit her song "Born This Way" for Record of the Year consideration. The song would have been nominated for sure. It's a pop anthem after all.

Song of the Year:

"Rolling in the Deep" - Adele Adkins & Paul Epworth.

The lyrics are profound and hauntingly affecting. "The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all." That's probably the longest and most relevant sentence ever sung.

Best New Artist:

Marsha Ambrosius or Nicki Minaj.

I don't think Marsha will even be nominated but in a perfect world, she will be. I predict Nicki Minaj, Bruno Mars, Young the Giant, and The Band Perry will each be nominated here. Who's the Best New Artist of 2011? To me, it's hands down Nicki Minaj. Or Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

Album of the Year:

"21" - Adele.

Sorry to anyone who thinks they deserve this award more than she. "21" is no sophomore slump and as 2011s best selling album, it ought to win Album of the Year. Period.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance:

"Someone Like You" - Adele.

Best R&B Album

"Loud" - Rihanna.

Beyonce's "4" and Marsha Ambrosius' "Late Night & Early Mornings" are my other choices. These three are all so very good. The best of these, however, is Rihanna's "Loud."

Best Dance Recording:

"Titanium" - David Guetta and Sia

Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal:
"My Body" - Young the Giant.

Best Female Country Vocal Performance:
"Back to December" - Taylor Swift

Zombie

Sometimes, I think
we've been wrong all along
What if maybe He did her a favor
and here I am
cursed
What if He didn't actually take her life, like they say
I mean, she's up there dancing in heaven, yes
there's no doubt
but, maybe
just maybe
her life was the one that was spared
and I'm the one who's actually really truly gone and dead

Following?
I don't know if I'm articulating this in a way that's clear
but what I mean is this:

Survival is a gift, apparently
but why does it feel so fucking wicked?
Did He spare me my life or did He take it away
the day I made it out alive after that evil accident that put me in the hospital
and took away my mommy
I wonder.

If I'm supposed to be happy I'm alive,
why can't I feel it?

Please, Do Not

Never-ever give a married man the time of day
You give your heart
and, I swear it,
it won't mean anything at all to him
'cause he'll just fold it up and hide it in his wallet behind a photo of his pretty little lady
you'll see
and he'll forget it's there
'cause all that'll really matter to him
will be your stupid little perverted parts
and those he'll get whenever he picks up the phone

Flores Para Los Muertos

I bet if I whispered in your ear
all the things I think about you,
it'd kill you

And I’d have no time to apologize
even if you asked and
I was just being honest
you’d die
just like that
and your wicked ol’ death would haunt me for the rest of my life
'cause although your go would be your very own fault
I’d mourn your death and blame it myself

That’s just the kind of guy I am

...at least cock sucking you can prove.

Every gay person, anti-gay hatemonger, and bible junkie ought to see this.

Weirdo

Human beings are very weird.
I've spent my morning wondering—
why do we do the things we do?

Notorious P.I.G.

Every time I write something new here, he asks:

"why are you writing about me again?"

Every time it isn't about him, he insists it is

and whenever it actually is, he doesn't notice

Here's the thing, though:

if he thinks I'm always bashing him here, why is he still reading?