KW

"Don't go. I'll eat you up, I love you so."

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"The beat goes on."

Doesn't Mean Anything - Alicia Keys
In Step - FrankMusik
Many Moons - Janelle Monáe
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Electricidad - Jesse & Joy
Empire State of Mind - Jay Z & Alicia Keys
Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas
Adios - Jesse & Joy
Wake Up - Sliimy
Bullets in the Sky - Nikka Costa
Confusion Girl - FrankMusik
Dance Bailalo - Kat DeLuna
I Ain't Hearin' U - Angie Stone
Walking on Air - Kerli
Blackbird - Sarah Mclachlan
Us - Regina Spektor
Chasing Pirates - Norah Jones
Smoke - Natalie Imbruglia
Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin

W.U.S.S.

“...Days change but my feelings are forever

The snow falls and I thought that we could weather the storm
I know that we can’t be together forever
and everything has changed since you went away...” M.T.

A friend of mine and I got to talking about breakups the other day. He’d just ended a long term relationship and I had been through a breakup as well a few months before so we had a lot to compare and contrast.

One thing we both shared was the fact that we both had been in love, or had loved profusely — however you want to put it.

Anyway, we both really cared for our boyfriends. We had even introduced our partners to our families, a first for us. It was that serious and we were that smitten.

“We used to text song lyrics to each other,” I told him.

“We’d have cigarette breaks together throughout our work day, except we never smoked. It was just an excuse we'd use to call each other,” he told me.

That’s how love is.

My friend and I ended our respective relationships “amicably." In some way, in spite of the goddamn magnetic forces, we knew our love to be bad and so we all decided to let go. Of course, for me, I haven't completely let go.

It’s been hard to keep away entirely. When you spend nearly two years offering every piece of yourself to the same man, it’s tough to move on. If you truly loved the person, it's never supposed to go away. It shouldn't, right?

How to re-program yourself and remind yourself that calling him “babe” or saying “I love you” has to stop? If the breakup was a sane and healthy one, why do we have to act as if one has wronged the other?

My ex is good at letting go. I could lose a limb or a loved one and still he won’t budge to comfort me. I tell myself, “It must be his defenses. He’s guarding his heart.” But come to think of it, that doesn’t really make much sense. Two years of shared memories, experiences, wishes, kisses, and song lyrics galore! How on earth does one pretend not to care after all that? Even with all the foolish disagreements, does the love vanish when the “in a relationship” status changes? Is he a coward or the bravest man on earth for having the strength to erase me?

I wonder.

Tonight I find myself asking, what on earth does it take to retire those sweet nothings, to erase all the concern and desire to reach out?

My Tube

I have to say, this has been one of the best years in television. I've never been an avid tube watcher but it seems I can't help but be hooked to all these TV shows this year. The only day I'm without the remote control in my hand is Tuesday. For all the other days, here's what I'm watching.

Monday:
Lie to Me

Wednesday:
America's Next Top Model
Modern Family
Cougar Town
Glee

Thursday:
Vampire Diaries
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice

Friday:
Ugly Betty

Thank goodness for DVR!

MLK

"Man was born into barbarism when killing his fellow man was a normal condition of existence. He became endowed with a conscience. And he has now reached the day when violence toward another human being must become as abhorrent as eating another's flesh."

Maybe This Time

"All the odds are in my favor. Something's bound to begin.
It's got to happen, happen sometime.
Maybe this time I'll win."

My Somber Blog (a note to the reader)

A few of my readers have been concerned about my blog's dark tone. I tend to focus on the negative and write mostly sad things. It's true, I know. But I can't help it! The melancholic notes move me!

Be that as it may, I want to entertain my audience (the two or three of you that is). What you say matters. So, from now on, I'm going to try my best to include some lighter posts.

Here and there I'll mix and add smiley things to make you laugh and relax as you read the dark and twisty stuff in between.

selah.