A Divine Revelation

This morning
I looked up at the sky
and saw the stars
but for the first time in a long time, I made no wish

This is it
no more pleas
or silly requests
what will be will be
from now on
I'll move one day at a time
dismiss expectations
rebuke all urges to ask for this or that
I won't wish upon any star
because wishes don't really make it

In the end, we get whatever we get by chance
for that, I will cling to nothing
give up on any hope
for now, I'll just sit and live
what comes, comes
silently I will accept
because this is the only true way to limit disappointment

On the J

He stares
and I think: "what do you want from me?"
He's got those arms that seem to speak
you know the kind—
those luscious ones
that look like they can carry a car

He could lift me
and throw me against a wall
with one finger
and so I keep from looking back
in case he's some basher looking for an angry fix
and I'm the perfect kind
an innocent lovefool weak for hungry eyes
because attention is oh so fulfilling

so I go back to my little Latino novel
try and keep my strength
breathe
release
the train moves to each station and I just read

but then,
this massive urge to look bangs inside me
this insane need to give him a quick glance controls me
my insides devoured, I look up
He stares profoundly and I see a little smirk appear
I look back down
Close my eyes
sigh
and think:
"Sir, you are hotter than I'll ever be."

Stuck To You

The Women

On Friday, Picturehouse Studios released The Women, a remake of the 1939 film of the same name which starred Joan Crawford. The modern version brings together some of Hollywood’s most talented actresses. The film has been in development for more than 15 years, mainly because there wasn't a lot of support for a female oriented film. There was little faith that such a film could succeed. It took a lot of patience, bravado, and perseverance to get the film made and distributed. I wonder if it'll prove worth it though.

I think it is vital women set out to see this film. In order for more movies like this to be made, women have to support support support! Look how successful the movie Sex and the City was. And how about Mamma Mia!? We've got to believe if they make it, women will go.

I recently asked a bunch of my female friends/family members if they were anticipating the release of this film. Unfortunately, not many of them had even heard of the movie. Others were going to wait until its DVD release. Both sad situations because this only proves what studio execs already claim...namely, women cannot control the movie screen. To them, there has to be a man present. A film about women and made for women won't succeed if women stay home or go out to accompany the men who see the action flicks that dominate box office numbers.

If you are a woman, when was the last time you went out in support of something feminine? (And I'm not just talking about tampons and pads here.)

On Sunday, when the weekend box office numbers are released, let's see where The Women will be.

Click this for the trailer.

Traveling Through?

I may never be able to travel the world. I may never be allowed outside the United States. Isn't that the saddest thing you have ever heard? It is to me.

Two weeks ago, I applied for a passport. I showed up at the post office with so much excitement. Finally, my very own key to waters beyond this place here! I felt too happy and was very much prepared to shell out a hundred dollars for a small book that I anticipated using a lot of. Oh, but how my high spirits were put to rest...

Let me tell you what happened...

I'm next on line and I double check to make sure I have all necessary documents. I'm good to go. The agent calls next...
I tell her what I'm there for...
She takes my application...
Asks for ID...
I give her my learner's permit...
and POOF...
my bubble is burst.

"This isn't valid," she says.

"Excuse me?" I ask. "That's a learner's permit. It's my ID. How isn't that valid?"

"We only accept State IDs or a driver's License. Permit's are not acceptable."

"Huh!?"

"Sorry. You have to come back with someone who has a valid ID or driver's license so that they can sign an affidavit stating they have known you for more than five years and that who you say you are is true. Come back with your permit and someone who can vouch for your identity."

...

At this point, I'm confused and uninspired. I want to go home and just forget about this headache. But then I think, "no, wait! I want to travel, damn it!"

My uncle comes to the rescue. His license in tow, we go back to the post office. The clerk is polite...helpful. And...

Voilà! Application c o m p l e t e!

"You'll get your passport in four weeks. Have a nice day."

I think: so worth the time and effort just to hear those words. Immediately, I fantasize about Italy and London, Spain and Brazil. Oh, the lands I get to travel! Thank you God.

But then...

Uh oh indeed.

I get a letter in the mail two weeks later...

"Unfortunately, the identification you provided is not sufficient for passport purposes. Please complete, sign, and date the enclosed supplemental sheet (which is 5 pages long!) and submit it together with photocopies of at least five personal documents to confirm your identity."

Sh*t! F#ck!

Instantly, I think: duh! You knew something would come up, Edwin. Since when has anything ever gone your way? The more you want something, the more you end up having to struggle for it. Remember.

Pissed off and deflated, I call the 800 number provided in the letter to see what went wrong. At the post office, I was told everything was set and approved. My uncle had to rush back to work for taking the time out to help me. I spent my whole morning trying to get this stuff done. I was angry and needed answers.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what they told you at the post office but your learner's permit was not sufficient. You will need five more pieces of identification to complete your application." the operator says, reciting each sentence as if I'd been the fifteenth caller with the same situation that day.

"But my uncle vouched for my identity. I was told with the permit and a signed affidavit I'd be fine." I answer.

"Nope. Sorry. Not enough."

So, here I am today—
gathering all types of nonsense to send out to these passport officials
If this has never happened to you, you'll be flabbergasted to see the list of approved pieces of identity.
Unreal.
I'm sending a copy of my social security card, insurance card, a pay stub, voter's ID from Puerto Rico, HS and college diploma, transcripts, oh and a copy of my medical records if you can believe that.

A messy ordeal this has been. I'll keep you posted if I finally get the damn thing.

Pray for me.

I Want Real Love, Too

"Well, maybe it's time to be clear about who I am.
I am someone who is looking for love—real love.
Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,
can't-live-without-each-other love."

Carrie Bradshaw

I just spent the last couple months watching the complete series of Sex and the City. It wasn't the first time I had seen any of the episodes, but it certainly felt like it. There was still that antsy anticipation that lingered throughout my body; a gleam of giddy, girly excitement skidding though like how you feel before a first date. Some episodes I had forgotten about and it felt so good to revisit my favorite ones. Each day after work, I'd commit to an episode or five. I'd watch with my dinner plate on top of my lap, after a shower, or right before bed. Last night, I finally reached the last episode and let me tell you, I was emotional all over again. I did not want it to end, and so, being so committed and so connected to the material, I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. How real these characters are! How moving the words they speak! How comical and fulfilling it felt to escape the stresses of life for a little half hour. Life decisions are a lot easier with some comedy on the side.

The God Blog

I can't help but wonder why He is so unfair
if He is real, why must we fight with all our might to find our happiness
if He does indeed exist, why are some better looking than others
and why are some more powerful than most?
He does not love us equally.
There's just so much proof to that.
We can cry our eyes out
shout out loud
pull every hair and study the Word for hours on end
but still, the path to happiness never shortens

I am upset with God
lately, I haven't been able to pray
I've got this tremendous grudge against Him
there's this intense anger
and sorrow
that won't go away
I feel neglected
I feel like He's not on my side
I don't see why I should submit to Him when there's so much pain inside me that He won't fix
I can consume myself in rituals
Join some group of enthused Jesus lovers
Sing a hymn
and praise His name
but in the end, I know this much is true:
the struggles will still exist
my face won't change
I'll speak the same
and my heart will still ache

a melancholic ditty

i’ve got this sadness
that’s quite incomparable
not at all understandable
it moves through my head
driving recklessly through the streets
of veins that keep me
an unending melancholy
suffocating and
stunning the heart
a heart which now beats in a dry and vapid way
my knees shake
strength is worn out
my poor mood, dampened and gray
drenched in uncontrollable tears
i don’t think i can sustain much

i envy the man who stands
on two brilliant feet
the man with perfect speech
capable of expressing his intent
i am trapped
in dirty skin
a sour taste controls my voice
i did not ask for it
and i do not know why i am like this

Vicki Christina Barcelona

You have to see this. It'll make you wish you had the opportunity to travel lands outside your own, to live like a free spirit unafraid to kiss or make art. Penelope Cruz deserves an Oscar nomination for her amazing supporting role.

Check this out.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"It's time for a music bath."

Breaking It Up - Lykke Li
Delayed Devotion - Duffy
Sandcastle Disco - Solange
So What - P!nk
Charm Attack - Leona Naess
No Me Doy Por Vencido - Luis Fonsi
Amigo En El Baño - Kany Garcia
Peace Be Upon Us - Sheryl Crow
Viva la Vida - Coldplay
Bottle it Up - Sara Bareilles
I Feel It All - Feist