Valiantman

Last night I dreamt you were a superhero—
saving lives while forgetting your own,
stomping on all the tiny monsters out there,
breaking apart
all the schemes
to ruin the big world...
a day in the life of a valiant man,
fighting injustice and taking a stand

But then
in the end
when you were done for the day
you came home
all alone
without a single man to call your own
and I was somewhere out there dancing
with a mask, too
but no powers

You picked up your cell phone
and sent me a text
"I'm so mad at you for doing this to me," you wrote
and as Ke$ha's "C'mon" played
I cried
Because I missed you more than I could have ever imagined.

My Music Awards V

It seems like only yesterday we were giving away a handful of Grammys to the one and only Adele.  Music's biggest night is just around the corner and in honor of tomorrow's nominations announcement, here are some of my picks for this year's best.  Let's see if any of these will be Grammy nominated.

Record of the Year:

"Titanium" - David Guetta featuring Sia.

I don't know if David Guetta or his record company submitted this song for contention in this category but here's hoping someone did.  There wasn't a more universal or groundbreaking song out there this year.  It would be a great toast to the EDM community if David were nominated here and, thanks to Sia's impeccable and haunting vocals, I really think it would have a great shot at winning.  Aside from that, Fun. ("We Are Young" w/ Janelle Monáe) and Gotye (Somebody That I Used to Know w/ Kimbra) had tremendous success with their hit songs, too.  So, if they get nominated for Record of the Year, I won't be mad. Of course, there's a ton of speculation regarding Carly Rae Epson's "Call Me Maybe" being nominated. While the song is fun and fantastic, I think that chick ought to thank her lucky stars awards pundits even know her name. Yes, the song is arguably 2012's biggest hit. But, it doesn't merit a Record of the Year nomination.  Keep in mind, this is a category big commercial hits have often been snubbed.  If Britney Spears, LMFAO, and Ke$ha--to name a few--have been overlooked here for their much bigger hits, Carly better not expect a shout out.  If there has to be one pop-princess-type nominated in this category this year, then I think Demi Lavato's "Skyscraper" or Katy Perry's "Part of Me" is it. 

Honorable Mention: "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele.

Song of the Year:

"Thinkin Bout You" - Christopher Breaux & Shea Taylor.

The words slay.  If your heart doesn't skip a beat, read the lyrics slowly.  Check your pulse.  Drink some water.  Have an orange.  Chrisopher Breaux (AKA Frank Ocean) released one of the heaviest songs to shock the R&B airwaves in a very long time. The song is beautiful and although he hasn't had as much commercial success as those who hardly deserve an ounce of the love that they do get--Justin Bieber--I'm so happy that he's gotten any attention at all. It says a lot about the state of America today.  Frank would not have been respected years ago.  This song is a gem and I'm sure this will be nominated for Record of the Year, too.  But, for me, it's 2012's song of the year.

Best New Artist:

Frank Ocean.

We'll see a country act nominated.  There will be a rock group and perhaps even a boy band, too.  But in the end, the best new artist will be Frank Ocean.  He certainly is my new favorite.

Honorable Mention: The Lumineers

Album of the Year:

"Channel ORANGE" - Frank Ocean.

So, I'm kind of anticipating a Frank Ocean Grammy sweep if you haven't noticed. I was moved, I cried, I was inspired, and I slow danced in my bedroom all by myself without a care or worry in the world that first time I listened to Channel ORANGE.  It's that rare classic R&B album that seems to come around every few years, à la The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, Back to Black, and Come Away with Me, to name a few.  It's my favorite album of the year and I hope it's every Grammy voter's favorite also.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance:

"Rumor Has It" - Adele.

Sing it, girl.  
Honorable Mention:  "Part of Me" - Katy Perry.

Best R&B Album:

"Channel ORANGE" - Frank Ocean.

Best Urban Contemporary Album:

"Talk That Talk" - Rihanna.

Rihanna's last three albums have been full-on knockouts.  She's a rockstar.   This album is epic.

Best Dance Recording:

"Titanium" - David Guetta featuring Sia.

Honorable Mentions: "We Found Love" - Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris and "Timebomb" - Kylie Minogue.

Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal:
"Somebody That I Used to Know" - Gotye featuring Kimbra.

Best Female Country Vocal Performance:
"Over You" - Miranda Lambert

Writer's Block

I've lost my hope...
my talent...
my faith...
and my desire—
but if any of you happen to have any of these to spare, I'd like to buy them.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"If I don't get it right, listen again."

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding
Forrest Gump - Frank Ocean
City Boy - Donkeyboy 
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) - P!nk
Daddy - Emeli Sandé
Everybody Talks - Neon Trees
Latinoamérica - Calle 13 (w/ Totó la Momposina, Susana Baca, & María Rita)
Want U Back - Cher Lloyd
Lengua - Beatriz Luengo (w/ Shaggy and Toy Selectah)
Birds Fly Away - Theresa Andersson
Feel Again - OneRepublic
Beloved Freak - Garbage
Is Your Love Big Enough? - Lianne La Havas
The High Road - Joss Stone
Oh Maker - Janelle Monáe
Good Time - Owl City (w/ Carly Rae Jepsen)
Anything We Want - Fiona Apple
Stay - Sara Bareilles
A Lullaby for my Fictitious Children... - Maylee Todd
Guardian - Alanis Moriessette
Sunset - Stevie Wonder

I Write

I don’t pretend to be more than I am

I never studied the craft

and I don’t buy poetry books

I don't think I'm a poet

and these aren’t poems, really

These are just random,

silly,

mostly incoherent musings—

simple ramblings

and outbursts of feelings

Things from inside my wicked self

My heads

(yes, there are two)

and this heart

speak like this

I’m no poet,

but I write.

Conflicts V

I thought for a while I could love him

but now I realize I just want to sleep with him

I could care more for his dick

than I ever could his heart

knowing now the things I know about him and all

And I know I should be ashamed to feel this

to reveal this, even

but I'm not
There's no hint of shame whatsoever
Though that’ll change after I let him inside me, I'm sure.

Hiatus

I haven't written much lately because I haven't been inspired to.  I've been on a hiatus of sorts from here again.  It's a good thing, though. I mean, in some ways it's a good thing. I usually write when I'm sad and heartbroken.  I'm neither of those things, thankfully, so there hasn't been much to write about.  There's also a great big cloud of laziness hanging over me so that's partially to blame. Anyway, it's September. I usually get the ball rolling again in September.  So, that's the goal. I'll do my very best to write stuff here because there are dreams to achieve and this is the best way to practice.  I'll be around more often. 

Drunk Rant

How many love letters do you get

a day

a week

or even a year?

How many stupid sonnets do they write,
these love-obsessed queers
and girls
you like on Tuesday but give up on Thursday?
Your big dick dangling across their faces,
slapping them silly on occasion
their twisted eyes
on ecstasy,
'cept they don't swallow a pill,
just you...
Boom,
bashing,
puncturing tiny vessels
and great big walls
without a moment's care
'cause they're there
and why not take advantage of every situation,
er, person,
and make fake-love to these dreamers
as they create in their heads
clichéd thoughts and stories in the form of fucked up sentences
all arty and the like
anticipating their ride home
on a dirty, dangerous subway line
iPod on deck
so they can jot down the stupid memory on a writer's application
and remember, for always,
the pretty little liar that you were
the liar they didn't see and won't see for some time, really
'cause it takes time to wake up from the dream
and what you won't know
or rather, 
what you will know but will choose to ignore or let go,
is the sad fact that these people,
these lovers 
will spend numerous moments of their lives
reflecting on your days together
un-sent love letters pouring out
the notes going from glee
to pity 
recounting false love and
miscommunicated declarations of affection
recalling
that motherfucker with a bat 
so big
so strong
so brown and Dominican

Basically

Perhaps, after all this here—
after all of these miles and miles of lines—
in the end, after all, what i meant to say was:
it's amazing that your love was mine.

Lost One

If I asked God to take over,
I wonder if he’d be willing

or would he laugh

and give me the finger.

“Not a chance,” he’d most likely say.

Because I’m so lost
and there is no hope.

Wake Up!

Humble yourself,
you stupid idiot
and don't let him go
Because he’s all the man that you need
He smiles at comics
and rides the subway with his mommy
A tough heart, yes
but he’s real sweet
if you settle in
and rest on his knees
You’ll see.

Rebound

I bet now I’ll taste you for at least six months

like in the morning,

no matter how long I brush my teeth

or when I shower,

even if I decide to eat my soap

with every meal,

like an added spice,
there you'll be

and it’ll take great will

to keep from vomiting

“it’s like I’m making love to you,” you said that night

all enthusiastically

so giddy like a kid

and I closed my eyes really tight to pretend

you were anyone else I’ve ever been with

“Mmmhmm,” I fake-moaned into your brown ear

as I cried

and you didn’t notice

Dirty Thirty

I didn't cry
like I thought I would
and that's all that matters.

Crooked

What’s it say about my ex-boyfriend if he takes his hoes to my favorite restaurant?

What’s it say about me if I hope they all choke on an empanada?

Back to Hell

never let him know
all the things i wish to let go...

like how i hope his heart falls off while he's defecting
or his tears burn his fat brown cheeks as he cries
no, i'll never tell him this is how i feel
because it's wrong
and i'd never wish the devil back to hell
because it's not my job to
and as frustrating as it may seem
as life-threatening almost
to watch him live, and hope, and dream
i know
he'll be taken care of
he'll get everything he gave to me
and all the other desperate lovers
one day

so, no, i don't have to say 
or do a damn thing 
to expedite his demise
i'll just wait,
be still,
and be nice

I Am Yours Forevermore

I loved you years ago
I love you today
I'll love you years from now
Every minute of every day

And every single time you ask me to be yours
even if I'm someone else's and you belong to someone, too
There I'll be
Running right back to you

Shit

How deranged are we
to see
things differently
you,
me—
under the sea...
him,
you—
everything!

Only Fools

I don’t even want him anymore

but it hurts

I pushed him away

little by little

and now that he has finally taken the hint, I have regrets

I shouldn’t’ve told him not to call

anymore

because he stopped

so easily, and without a fight!

And every single time I see him, I hate him for not suffering

He still smiles at all the people who pass by,

still wears those manly fitted clothes and those dancing shoes

prancing and eye-selecting

the future boos,

his life’s no mess

but look at me---

hunched over and salivating...

I stopped wanting him

and for doing the right thing and sending him off,

I’m the one who's suffering

Meanwhile, he’s the reject who’s still shinning

and he doesn’t deserve to!

The maneater with his little dick and beautiful face

picking ugly flowers for the ugly ducklings who flock to him at a moment’s notice

whilst his super boyfriend waits at home for him to finish picking

dedicated to the cheating man because who can break away from such a smile!

Only a fool

like me

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Wake up and feel something."

Just a Game - Birdy
Strange Attractor - Animal Kingdom

Fool For You - Cee Lo Green (w/ Melanie Fiona)
I Feel Better - Gotye
Out the Blue - Sub Focus (w/ Alice Gold)

Loving Strangers - Russian Red
The Walk (Explicit) - Mayer Hawthorne (w/ Rizzle Kicks)

Marilyn Monroe - Nicki Minaj
Live Your Life - Yuna
LaserLight - Jessie J (w/ David Guetta)
Better Together - Jack Johnson
Gravity - Sara Bareilles
Blood for Poppies - Garbage
It's Raining - Inara George

Voy - Ednita Nazario
Give Them Jesus - Jaci Velasquez

Sunday Fun Day

It's Sunday, World. Dance and be merry.

The Situation

I'm just a pretty body to you
and you expect me to give in whenever you're free.

"Your ass is king,"
you say.
"But remember my situation.
I want you all for me
but I can't be all for you
because of my girl.
You OK with that?"

"I love you," I whisper inside myself.
"No doubt," I say out loud.

Romans 8:38

I’m not a bible freak but someone special shared this with me and seeing as I really needed to read something like this today, I figured someone out there may need to read this too.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God? (Two)

I'm really sick of myself today. I'm dealing with so much guilt and anger, I don't even recognize myself anymore. Normally, I'd pray this all away. I'd look up to the skies and ask God to forgive me...to recognize or remember that I am not at all the man I seem to be. I can't do that today, though. I haven't been able to do that for a while now. I can't even imagine asking Him to forgive me, especially since I've asked Him so many times already and yet, I still fall down the same ol' rabbit hole. Who am I to think it's all right to fall and expect He'll care for the wounds every single time? Who am I to think He'll be right there after all the times I've promised? Does He know I couldn't help it each time and still can't to this day? I am a pathetic failure in His eyes, I'm sure. If I were Him, I wouldn't give myself a second look.

They say to run to God whenever life is good and even when it's bad. He'll welcome a sinner and a saint just the same. I want to run to Him, but I don't even dare. Is it the devil lying his way into my head, telling me that God's not there? Or am I definitely on the right track here and God doesn't love me anymore?

Wishful Thinking

i want to slow dance with a really hot guy
and even if he doesn't like me
i hope he pretends

i want him to hold me tight,
kiss me on the neck,
and tell me i'm the prettiest boy in the world

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Your heart will hurt at first but dance it off."

Free - Haley Reinhart

Brokenhearted - Karmin

Out of the Game - Rufus Wainwright

Charter Magic - Marques Toliver

Wrong Side of a Love Song - Melanie Fiona

Thank You - Estelle

No One's Gonna Love You - Cee Lo Green

It All Belongs to Me - Brandy & Monica

Happy Pills - Norah Jones

Glad You Came - The Wanted

Pieces of Me - Ledisi

Brothers - Tanlines

To Him

you're not as bad as I say
there's nothing wrong with you
it's me
you're ok
and i'm just jealous

Cruel

I’m sorry I don’t want to spend the wee hours of the night talking about your problems
Or happiness
I’ve got my own stuff to keep me up late
And if this means I’m absolutely terrible
It’s not my fault
I’m only terrible to terrible people

So, you can stop insisting that we hang out
To talk
And catch up
Because I don’t want to
I have no desire to listen to anything you have to say
To hear you gloat about your lucky dalliances
Or world travels
Or to hear you complain about how stuck you feel
In life
And love
And your career

I don’t want to hold on to your leash anymore
Guide you here and there
Tell you it’s going to be okay
Or congratulate you on what little successes you achieve
I don’t care

I know that this makes me somewhat cruel
There’s a little bit of judgment here too
I mean, who am I to say you’re terrible, anyway?
What’s so far up my ass to make me this uptight and angry?
Maybe I’m just too old now
And cranky
Or maybe I’m just sick and tired of you

I’ll pray.

I Thought I Knew

i can't figure out
if being single this long has been a blessing
or if i've been cursed
i thought i knew,
i mean, i've been content
i don't spend my nights longing and hoping for love
so, there can't be a curse, right?

but i must admit
tiny thoughts of belonging to someone creep
and linger for a small while somedays
sometimes i'll think: hmmm. it'd be nice to have a man to go out with today,
spend an evening at the movies with someone
you know?
i don't know.

i thought this single life was a choice
but maybe i've just been telling myself that to ease the pain

that comes with loneliness

i wonder

Told You So

It’s because you’re broken
That’s why you’ll never be absolutely happy
Yes, you’ll have little magic instances
There will be rounds or tiny moments of complete ecstasy
And you’ll be fooled to think: “Finally!”
But remember—
It will never be enough
And it will never last
Because who are you to trample on the weaker ones
And expect satisfaction?
Karma won't allow it
You’ve got a lot of wrongs to right,
Too many arrows to take back
You will never be lucky at love
And that’s just a fact.

iRemember

another year for you
how many boxes do you have to count down to now
to check off your age group?
how does it feel?
here’s hoping it’s everything you want it to be
and here’s hoping the different age
makes you wiser
i pray for you
and i wish you well
because you deserve happiness
in spite of it all

wherever you are, make it count.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Beat by beat, fall in love."

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye (w/ Kimbra)
Not Fair - Lily Allen
Say Aah - Lindsey Pavao
Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Ray
I Mind - James Blake
Give Me All your Luvin' - Madonna (w/ Nicki Minaj & M.I.A.)
It's How We Play - Holly Palmer
Brick or Coconuts - Jacuzzi Boys
Gangsta - Tune Yards

About a Boy

so, i met a boy

and although i don't know much about him

i know enough to say he's almost perfect

and exactly how i like them

he's big

but neat

and his smile is everything to me

he's the man of my dreams!

but, he's got such low self-esteem

"i think you're cute...funny...hot. i just don't think I'm equally as attractive," he said.

how unfortunate

but such is life

i've used that line myself before so i don't blame him

that isn't to say that i agree, of course

he's totally wrong about everything

he is beautiful &

i think he's got things backwards

but, even so, most times we just don't see what everyone else can

save for a few lucky ones

who see everything no one else can

it's all so very cruel

Conflicts IV

So, all this time

I thought I'd make a great wife.

But, I can't cook.

I don't have the patience for it.

My pancakes this morning were burnt.

Now, what happens if

I can't make a good husband, either?

I don't know how to balance a checkbook and

I can't be bothered to top all the time.

I guess I'll be forever alone.

Leona Lewis

I've never really paid attention to Leona Lewis. I mean, like everyone else in the world, I did fall in love with "Bleeding Love." As a matter of fact, I own copies of some of her other singles, too. But, I've never invested much time into her. Namely, her performances or her story because the thought of her being a Simon Cowell protégée always turned me off.

Recently, though, at this year's X-Factor USA finale, she performed a cover of Snow Patrol's "Run" and, while I was ready to mute my television, I certainly didn't expect to actually be moved. Take a look at the clip below. Honestly, she makes singing look so easy. Her performance here is definitely a testament to her being on the right path. She was born to sing. This is obviously what she was put on this great Earth to do. She deserves a lot more recognition than she gets. I, for one, understand that now.

Leona Lewis, I'm sorry. I believed but I never really did care. You are worth more than I thought.

If for any ungodly reason you're not convinced, have a listen at some of these songs here. I shan't let you live your life and die without introducing these if you haven't heard them yet...

See You

i've had enough of you
(and i didn't even really get to have you!)
i'm finished running to you
dropping hints of my loneliness
hoping you'll pick up the tab because i'm drinking way too much now
but you don't write
and you don't even call
you just sit and let me do all the work
but i won't no more

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Stay still and listen now."

White Sails (Demo) - Marques Toliver
Collide - Leona Lewis & Avicii
Quiero Que Me Quieras - Jesse & Joy
We Are Young - Glee Cast
Wild Ones - Flo Rida (w/ Sia)

State of the Union

like a toxic playboy,
he speaks,
his charm bright
seeping from his throat
and eyes
and even from his finger tips
see the light when he points?
hypnotizing!

we cheer
& stare
like desperate zombies
roaming, fixated, draggy
wondering how we're going to eat today
where will we even go
what will happen to us?

"we're all ok," he assures us

we hope
we pray
he smiles

the great orator.

Faith

i’m tired
but my soul is hungry
i gotta fight
break away from all the ugly
‘cause there’s more
yes, there’s more
there’s got to be more out there

we shall see
never lose hope
although I can’t see Him near me
i will just pray
He can’t leave me lonely
no
never lonely
no
He won’t do that to me

wait for it.

Simon Says

what is the point of this story
what information pertains
the thought that life could be better
is woven indelibly
into our hearts
and our brains

Paul Simon

Chatter Box

She says it’s easier to be friends w/ men than w/ women. I say it’s ‘cause guys don’t talk much & she gets to talk all about herself—every day, every day, every minute.