They say we're supposed to come to terms with our bodies, our whole selves, at a certain age. Does anyone know that age? I hear it's 30. That's when we get a clearer sense of who we are, where we're going, why we look the way we do, stuff like that.Well, if that's the age, I guess there's something to look forward to after all. I'm sick and tired of my twenties.
I can't believe I just said that. What I mean is I'm definitely eager to see the day I love myself completely. I'm waiting for that switch to go off, the one that keeps us from looking into a mirror and saying, "O, hello" as opposed to "o, hell no" that currently comes out of my mouth everyday. You know the switch I'm talking about. It's that angst-y, self-hate, confused, and tired switch that controls our 20s mind. I'm ready for my 30s mind.
I wonder if this makes sense to any of you.
There's a feeling of peace and acceptance at 30, I've heard. We become more self-aware. The mind becomes stern, assured, confident, and is matured enough to go out and get. At 20, it sits paralyzed, ashamed to speak sometimes, too chickenshit to make decisions. The 20s mind is filled with questions and tears. It's a wonder I haven't drowned yet! I suppose I'm a good swimmer.
You know, I wouldn't wish my 20s on anyone. That's deep but I tell you: so far, I have never been happy as myself. Is anyone ever truly, completely, wholly, undoubtedly happy at 20 even? My guess is no. If there is someone out there in their 20s reading this, someone who happens to absolutely cherish life, then I salute you. I’d like to eat you up so that somehow I can become you.
I guess the bottom line here is that I am kind of looking forward to 30. Today is the first time I've ever said that. I lie about my age all the time. I keep it a secret almost as if I'm ashamed but boy, I swear to you, not anymore. Indeed, I'm ready to climb up to the next age group.
I'm 27 now. There. I said it. I rarely ever do. It looks weird seeing it on the screen, but there it is for all of you to see. That's my age. It's almost time to say goodbye to it actually. My birthday is just around the corner. Will I miss being 27? No, I won’t, not at all. It was like being 17 all over again, and that is not a good thing. Will I enjoy 28 and 29? Probably not but I’ll try and make the best of it. I know more questions will rise up, new faults and insecurities will fester and control so I’m nervous as all hell. But it’s two away from 30, and shit – I know there’s a silver lining to that.
So, in closing, here's a message to my 20s: you've got a couple more years left and after that, I'll be glad to never hear from you again. When you go, you can definitely kiss my ass.
