Please Don't Leave Me

If I find love, I make it really hard for it to last.
I find a single flaw,one mistake
and I gnaw at it like a squirrel to a nut.
I make the tears spill out
and so, the wars take over.
I take things personally and
I get too emotional.
There's no place for that in a relationship—
that's just the bottom line.

I'm a fragile little mess.
I may never be fixed.
I can't say for sure where it all comes from.
These, though, come to mind:

1. I'm not worth the love—
my head tells me that sometimes
even though the heart tries very hard to cry out and shout:
"Edwin, yes you are."
2. I see we're so right for each other.
Maybe that's just too scary
and so, I scramble to mess it up.
3. Maybe you're just out to get me and fool the little sap inside me.
It could be.

These are just some things I think.

Some of my hysterics may be unfounded.
A lot of it though, they come for a reason.
You know well enough.
Still, I think the man that loves me
is truly a fine brave one
because it takes great courage to stick with me.

Listen below.
It relates to what I'm talking about.
It's like she spent a day in my room and came up with this here.

Stick With Me Baby

This happens rarely...

I'm sure you know these two separately
They're very successful singers on their own
But here they are together
and what a luscious song...

It's Finally Here

She's back and times are a lot different then what people were used to that's for sure. Did she make the right move by laying her heart out on a plate for consumers to ravage and criticize? I think so.

P!nk's new set of tracks (12 in total) feature a side to P!nk she only hinted at on her previous album, I'm Not Dead. Here, there are no songs about jerking off or stupid girls. Instead, she dedicates the album to matters of the heart.

She sings...

♪This used to be a funhouse, but now it's full of evil clowns. It's time to start the countdown. I'm gonna burn it down down down.♪

I guess we can say the funhouse is her heart. When you're in love, it's all about happiness and feeling giddy 24/7, like a child at a funhouse. When you break, you're left alone to wallow up in memories. You feel like everything you see reminds you of that one person that let you go. And so, to burn it up would make you feel so fucking better.

Who can't relate to that?

After her very painful divorce, P!nk expresses her sorrow in each song. She was actually going to name the album "Heartbreak is a Mother******".

It's a different pace for P!nk and there have been a good chunk of favorable reviews (minus the one star review by the Chicago Sun-Times - those bastards). People expect her to go all out and get wild. They want songs that rip the hoe-y tarts of Hollywood. Don't get me wrong, that can be fun. But that gets old.

You all know how I feel about her. I've been a P!nk fan since her very first single. I've got all her albums and with each one, she's grown and has become quite an impressive writer.

If only she were taken seriously.

I suggest you buy the album. Check it out. If you want to test some of the tracks first, get Please Don't Leave Me, I Don't Believe You, and Funhouse.

Dear Mommy

On this day
you came
—opened your eyes,
took that first breath,
and were welcomed
by the breeze
and the Island sun

you lasted long enough
to celebrate 28 birthdays
and I hate I'll never get to know how you felt for each one

Were you smiley
and giddy?
Sad for some and
ever empty?
Did you feel scared or inpsired?

What happened in that head?

Were there cakes
and parties?
Did you dance so much your thighs ached the next day?
Did you laugh until it hurt
because you felt so good and special?

Oh, how I dream for a day with you
Just one more
so we can talk about birthdays.

The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees earned $11 million this weekend! That's a fantastic surprise. It even beat W, which opened in nearly 500 more theaters than ...Bees.

I must admit, I was a little apprehensive before watching this. I was so scared of disliking it. As the film rolled, I sat on my seat hoping and praying for the movie not to fail. Critics are very quick to pan a movie that seems too overdone or preachy. This was definitely something that could have destroyed the books integrity and force. Luckily, however, it did nothing but glorify it. I don't see how any critic could not enjoy himself while watching this film.

If you haven't seen it, please set aside some time and support black film. The movie is very good. Honestly, I was so surprised. It's flawless. I think it's a fantastic adaptation. Sophie Okonedo and Queen Latifah give such powerhouse performances.

For the most part, it's a very warm and endearing film, and who doesn't need that? It's a great way to get your mind off the troubles we're all facing nowadays. You'll leave feeling fulfilled and inspired. I know I was.

Go watch it!

Adele II

Here's her latest single, To Make You Feel My Love.

What a fine lady.

She was on SNL last night. If ever there was a day to be on SNL, yesterday was it. Ratings were sky high. So many people were introduced to the beautiful Adele and now, as I write this, her album is number 1 on the iTunes albums chart. She wasn't even in the top 10 before last night! What a difference a day makes.

She deserves the sales. Go get her debut album, 19.

(Click here for an older one of my posts. You'll find a couple clips from her amazing concert in NYC.)

Awesomeness

This is Saul Williams.
Listen to his words.

I Used to be a Promiscuous Boy

I’ve made a ton of mistakes
some in spite of myself
done things that were beyond me
at the time, right during each mistake, I never gave a lick though

been touched
and filled only because I sought to eliminate the pain inside
been kissed in places meant for special ones
and banged by hyena-driven devils
with simple twisted reasons
all in order to see if I could find myself
I never did
and I felt more lost than ever after each time

I say, it was like raping myself
I did the deed willingly yes
but my soul was never in it
still I ignored it
allowed it to get bruised
and violated
all to try to mend the lonely heart

Raphael

Listen to this
From start to finish it's a new masterpiece
He blends 60s gold and adds a funky neo twist
It's a step up from what Mark Ronson did with Amy Winehouse

Get it
and I promise you,
you'll be moved

His name is Raphael Saadiq
and the album is The Way I See It

When You Need a Star

"I wonder if it's possible
to have a love affair
that lasts forever."

Andy Warhol


Although, I may come off as extremely pessimistic to some, I’m more realistic than anything else. I’m optimistic to a point. I hope this isn’t all too confusing.

Here’s the thing:

What destroyed me six years ago, has made me who I am today. This isn’t a good thing, I do realize that. However, no matter how much I try or how many times I seek to be hypnotized, I am always reminded by that one fateful night.

It was late. Near midnight and the sky was so empty. Not a star or a moon at all. I mean, I’m sure they were there somewhere. I just couldn’t find them for the life of me. And believe me, I looked! I searched like mad for a single star to wish upon. Barefoot, in my little boxers and T, I was cold but I kept that window open as I looked for a fucking star.

In between those hours I spent looking out the window, I dialed my boyfriend's number. I dialed and dialed and dialed. Each time, I got his voicemail. He was supposed to call me! It was late and I was used to his phone calls to wish me goodnight. It helped me fall fast asleep, knowing that as I lay down there was a human somewhere in this world loving me profusely.

I spent the early morning hours awake and anxious. Kept dialing. Kept searching. Kept sending pointless wishes to an empty sky. And finally, when a voice did sound after the hundredth call, it wasn’t him. It was someone else. Some other man. Some other fool who probably got to taste what belonged to me.

Days later, Carlos never admitted to cheating. He had simply lost his phone at a gay bar and some asshole had picked it up. I still left him though. I left because he said he would be working late. Instead, he was out dancing and boozing it up with easy fags. One lie and so I ran.

Ever since then, no love has ever been easy.

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"In music I trust."

1234 - Plain White T's
Say You Love Me - Velvet Code
Honey - Erykah Badu
Love - Matt White
Fear - Jazmine Sullivan
Elephants - Rachel Yamagata
Without Love - Nikka Costa
Beating My Heart - Jon McLaughlin
Let It Fall - Lykke Li
Cinco Minutos - Gloria Trevi
Far Far - Yael Naïm
How I Feel - Kelly Clarkson
If This Isn't Love - Jennifer Hudson
Everybody's A Star - Robin Thicke

Is TV Gone?

It has been a rocky season. With all the shows returning, and new ones trying to make a name for themselves, I haven’t been touched or inspired by any of it this year. This is a huge surprise. Of the television shows I watched last year (Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, and Private Practice), I’m down to only three. I used to be such a television buff. Nowadays, I find myself drawn to the Internet and the written word. I don’t think I’m alone either.

This year, almost all shows have seen their audience shrink -- some by extremely freaky decreases. With last years strike out of the way, there hasn’t really been much interest in television like before. Remember those days when everyone talked about Grey’s Anatomy and we all wondered what would happen come next week? Or how about those days we laughed out loud and waited anxiously for the latest Ugly Betty episode? Gone baby, gone.

If anything, I think last years strike did nothing but destroy television. We were all forced to find different outlets for our amusement. Now it’s just harder to go back and dedicate time to a show which doesn’t seem promising anymore. I think, like me, many of us are mad. Last year, we were all left hanging. And now, we’re being forced to catch up and enjoy shoddy writing and messy episodes.

Those selfish strikers. In truth, I do believe they had every right to voice their disapproval. In fact, I do believe writers are largely mistreated and taken for granted. But their strike, this great tragedy that killed TV last year, made everything worse. They should have waited. They should have brought out the best damn writing ever and completed last season on a high note. Then, they should have went ahead with a strike. I would have rather had a full season last year, complete with well crafted and finished story lines. All this instead of the mess that is going on right now. There were so many questions left unanswered last year! I would have preferred a glorious finish instead of a rushed and sticky start. You know what I mean?

Consider this:
Grey's Anatomy - premiere down 18% from last year
Ugly Betty - down 15%

Two of the most celebrated and respected shows on TV—going down.

Escritura

Yo dibujo estas letras
como el día dibuja sus imágenes
y sopla sobre ellas y no vuelve.

Octavio Paz

(I draw these letters
as the day draws its images
and blows over them
and does not return.)

Vote or Die

This is really scary. It is so hard to believe that this nation is filled with so much ignorance. The dirty, dirty people. Let us pray.