Light at the End

Keep going and
look on—
before you know,
everything will settle down
change happens, albeit rather slowly
but at least it does
and then you'll breathe again

Music Saves

I forgive you—
because the music told me to,
and I don't ever want to dance it all alone
So, go ahead,
hurt me again and again
I'll be fine
if my speakers work

Lovers Quarrel

I do love you
I love you more than you'll ever understand
and I love you more than any other man
on this Earth loves you

You're loved beyond words!

You're so loved,
I've forgiven you for all the pain
past and present
You see, one of the greatest ways to express love is to show forgiveness
and I have shown you forgiveness in abundance
so much forgiveness you can wear it
but instead,
you keep it in your wallet and forget

Still, you're so loved!

The mere fact that I let you hold me
when we're alone at night in my very own bed
after all the suffering
is proof of this

Wrong Me

Psychotic

Disgusting

Emotional wreck

You tell me this in good faith

You pack the punches

I'm not allowed to feel anything at all

If I fall, I've got to get up right away

or you'll yell and call me a childish weakling with broken feet
If I stutter, just pull my tongue and tie it in a knot
because you'd rather I not say anything at all anyway

I'm not as strong as you 

and you remind me like it's my fault

how dare I be brought up this way

I should have chosen better feelings every day 

Can't you be nicer with your love?

So Long

I think Eva Cassidy lives in Rachel Price's voice box

Con, Descending

You say, all fake: "I go in peace.
You deserve more than me."
and you think this grownup amends will alleviate any shudder I feel from your cold unfaithful goodbye kiss
I've never killed anyone with my love!
but you killed it—
you managed to mangle my little heart like it's bad for your health
you'll go down for this
and it's not enough to say you're the meanest man in the world
even if you think it's enough to hold a candle to the million little pieces you create

I hope the flame burns your face

My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"Forget the stethoscope 'cause my heartbeats sound like this."

Rearview - Andra Day
Love on the Brain - Rihanna
PillowTalk - Zayn Malik
Hold Back the River - James Bay
Roses - The Chainsmokers (w/ Rozes)
Been to the Moon - Corinne Bailey Rae
PrimeTime - Janelle Monae (w/ Miguel)
Work from Home - Fifth Harmony (w/ Ty Dolla $ign)
Make Me Like You - Gwen Stefani
Mistakes - Lake Street Dive
Wild Things - Alessia Cara
Earth to Heaven - Esperanza Spalding
When We Were Young - Adele
Girl Crush - Little Big Town
Te Amo Idiota - Raquel Sofia

Anxious

I feel so g-ddamn empty
so less myself than ever before
'cause there are things missing
and I can't understand how to get any of it back
the instructions make no sense, never mind
there's no way
I think, anyway
even though everyone says there is
-- just breathe.

but that's a lie
'cause that's all I do when I feel this out of touch
with everything outside
gasping for air
running inside like the second hand chasing time
I ain't brave enough
to have faith enough to keep on going

the pills don't make me feel better
and I'm not a patient patient
even though you see me try
this is why--
the only good thing about a bottle of medicine is it sounds like maracas when I shake it

My Boyfriend the Ex-Boyfriend, or Déjà Vu

You're back in my life
and I've been going about just as I did
all that time ago
scraping off the eggshells at my draggy feet
watching my heart dangle at my sleeve—
it bounces against my thigh
and you laugh

Is any of this real
I ask myself all the time now
I'm not so sure
am I dreaming and this is all in my head
because I keep reciting the things I said before

Namely, please, my love, just love me enough that I feel it all over me

You didn't get it then and you promise every day
that you get it now
but all the pieces fit the same and I'm still lost
and wondering

People don't change at all even though you say you have
and will
and promise to
How can I believe any word of that if I still love you

You see, I myself have not changed

Wally

I think a lot about our first night together
at the theatre
and then at the station waiting for that damn C train to come and take us home
I never told you:
But I knew I loved you the minute you held me tight against my will
"what if somebody sees us!?" I said
and you said, "so?"
with a real smile
because, back then, you were too young to know any better
and, well, who cares who sees two people falling in love?

I hope you have fond memories of me
you're a grownup now,
by number anyway－the truth is, you were more of a grownup than me
always much older in spirit and maturity
I was never quite able to catch up to you
but, whatever...

I hope you're okay, is what I'm getting at
and even though I'd give anything to wring your neck
for everything past, present, and future
I'd quickly hug you tight right after
because you taught me so much more than I ever dared to admit
and I'll remember

Remember, too
OK?

Goals

I made a mistake and sat down on those steps
I should've been climbing on
because things got hard
and I thought I didn't stand a chance
against the others shuffling along
moving on up without me
but, I swear it,
my rest was temporary
and I'm awake, you see
I'll keep going now
and reach those landings soon enough

Is This Love?

You move me in so many ways
and I'm forever grateful
I would have suffered if I hadn't given in, I know this now
that look you gave me when you told me you would take care of things
saved me

It's a rollercoaster ride loving me so
and I often wonder if you feel the same about it
all the battles
and the mindless breakdowns I find myself lost in
anyone with half a brain would lose interest
but you haven't left me yet,
so that's something

To Troubled Boys

We do the things we do because we're sad

and though it doesn't seem as so,

we're not all bad

You see,

some time ago before we ended up this way

we were tormented

by the corrupted ways of this land

mistreated,

misdirected,

misinformed

What else would you have expected us to become?

We had no chance

New

2015 was everything I don't ever want to experience again
Every day was torture
and it felt like there was no end
no sunshine in sight
I died inside with all my might
but, for some reason,
I feel better and alive tonight

There's hope.