My Radio: What I'm Listening To

"I can move to a lot of things now."

Money Grabber - Fitz and the Tantrums
Lullaby - Sia
Skinny Love - Birdy
Take Over Control - Afrojack (w/ Eva Simons)
Sleep the Clock Around - Belle and Sebastian
The Cure & the Cause - Fish Go Deep (w/ Tracey K.)
Hello - Martin Solveig (w/ Dragonette)
Move Your Feet - Junior Senior
On a Mission - Gabriella Cilmi
When I'm Alone - Lissie

Poem to a Horse

You run faster than anyone I know
even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to catch you

You’re polite and there’s enough magic in you to charm a pack of wolves, or men
same thing

I told you before, you remind me of Jesus
but, I’ll say it again because I don’t think you get it

I know you're noble
somewhere
you go on
and on and on
playing and dancing
racing and prancing
striving for freedom but I know you don’t really want it

I bet you’ve wondered if anyone’s ever written a poem about you
well, now you know.

Goodbye, World

Tonight I want to kill myself. I don’t know how I should do it but I know I want to do it. I keep thinking I should use a gun. I want to use something strong enough to work the first time I try. I want to use something that’ll do the most damage. I don’t want this heart. I don’t want this head. So, I want to try and shoot them both. Fuck, I don’t even think that’s possible - unless I get someone to do it for me. But, Dr. Kevorkian is dead. I want to stop loving profusely and I want to stop feeling sorry for myself. Why don’t I have an off switch to turn away these crazy thoughts? I don’t know. Dear God, I think you’re cruel. You truly are an innocent - the naïve creator. Didn’t you stop to wonder about the struggles I’d have to face alone, loveless, ugly, and rotten inside? A motherless, punished child! You were drunk. And it was too late to stop, right? Too giddy, Mr. Perfect, and not an evil thought or ounce of negativity to alter your courage as you molded and pressed and designed and created this…this person that I am. Me. Still empty inside in spite of the miles of veins and skin and thighs.

Disclaimer: Don't worry, readers—I am not going to kill myself.

Dear Friend

Today, I stop
no more terms of endearments
or flirtatious nothings
because, what’s the point
and who are you
to look down on me
when I’ve never been anything but supportive
and encouraging
I know you want more
but I can’t give you what I don’t have
and that’s this heart
because, it’s not really mine anyway
so be mad and stay that way
I’m not sorry I love someone else and not you